tehe, whoever left me that last question, I hope they see this...
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
oh. it happens. and yea thanks. but i hope the bone marrow in my legs doesnt detach. lol
Oh, God, what happened? I literally forgot what we were talking about too.
evenge.. get payback you really dont deserve those skittles. >.<
You mean revenge right? Evenge, would that mean you want to seek revenge for me against someone else? Or maybe you just spelled it wrong. You've officially confused me sir.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
i am an englander. or i am in the play im practicing for. im nervous and trying to connect with the persona of my character.
Oh. Awesome! Well, break a leg. I lost track of which conversation is this.
lol, awesome. let me go to the corner store and buy some. be back in a jiff.
Who is this? Who says jiff anymore? (besides me on certain occasions).
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wow, obsessive O-ing is not cool man, not cool. I think, that you should see somebody about that. While doing so, I'll be eating some skittles.
Hmm, did i imply that? But yes, yes i am. would you like a bidid of bubbly ?
Yes, please kind sir. lol
i dont need your permission. they will be stolen, not asked for.
Well, the jokes on you because I have no skittles. But, I'll buy some and then, then I shall eat every bite one by one in a plane in the morning sky.
I WANT MY EFFING SKITTLES! >:[ FRIGG YUR EXX!!!
No thank you, he can frigg himself! Those are my skittles, you cannot have them.
si ,.
Thats spanish. And to translate I said "I like pie, do you like pie?" Dont ask why I said that...
i dont think you understand the concept of i dont care!! im getting those skittles . . and no . its 1:40am where i live.
Where are you then? Who are you then? Why do you want my skittles?! Take him instead! Please spare the skittles!
meh: lmao , bringg it . you: At 2am? No thank you. Lol, love you whoever this is. ^^^ wimpp .
Oh, well. I can't bring it at 2am because its probably 3am where you are unless you are currently in Atlanta also. I dont think you understand the concept of 12th ward. That means we shop and drink and do random ish.
ima txt youu . :)
Okay, I'll attempt to find my phone. Lol, I know where it is. (It's somewhere in this room).
books = negative affect on my minddd family guy = extremely positive effect on my mindd .
tarte j'aime. Vous aimez à tarte?
kaylinn! i wasnt anonymous that timee. . . O_O
Oh, I feel dumb! Then why it doesn't show names... Sad faces.
lol, noo that was mee. :)
Who is me? This whole not knowing who the person is gets a tad bit aggravating...
whats wrong love?
Some people are dicks. Is this the same random person who asks me random stuff or whatever? I must know who this is because sometimes that random stuff makes my day.
stewie: does yur gf hve a aliby? Brian: um what stewie: do she got a aliby brian: no U-G-L-Y she aint got no aliby she ugly omg no the cow says moo! m = she's majorr ugly o = she's fat and pugly . o = oh my god no the cow says MOO .
Love you too. Read a book, it is so obvious that Family Guy has had a bit of a negative effect on your mind.
no , i think i'll take my chances with the skittles . but it'll be when yu least expect it (echo) expect it , expect it , expect it ....
I go all 12th ward over my skittles. When you least expect it, if you continue to mess with my skittles, son, I'll get 9th ward on you.
lol . i jus might steal ur skittles jus bc yu said tht .
Aww, JUST TAKE JEFFREY INSTEAD! PLEASE! PLEASE, DONT TAKE MY SKITTLES! I BEG YOU SPARE THE SKITTLES, TAKE HIM PLEASE!!!
oh my god , no the cow says moo .
Wow, we're watching the same thing. Are you watching me? Are you going to still my life, take my husband and kids and go all Lifetime movie on me? I mean, if you wanted my ex , you know you can just come and get him. Just dont take my skittles lol
Friday, June 25, 2010
uy hit da "or let us ask you some questions!" button'Tuu much qirl ,,,
I know. But there's no one else to talk to and that button makes me feel loved and needed...
If you could eat dinner with any person, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you go?
My first love, who ever he is, my house, whenever we fix up our back yard. (whenever I find my first love) I'm cooking :-) *Yes, I can cook and pretty well.*
What was the worst advice you've ever received?
Sit back, everything will fall into place. *Currently there hasn't been any place falling at all what-so-ever. I'm sick of doing nothing.*
If you could go only to one restaurant for the next five years, which would it be?
Depends on how much money I have for the next five years. If I'm not doing so well, I may go to McDonalds or Burger King. If I'm doing okay, Papa Johns. If I'm fantastic, hello French Quarters! Bubba Gump Shrimp & Co.
Do you consider yourself a good dancer?
NO! NO! NO! Ha, are you crazy? I don't dance in public because I look like a skank when I dance. So I just sway from side to side.
If you could instantly become an expert at one style of dance, what style would you pick?
I'm pretty good at belly dancing so I'll want to perfect it. Uhg, or I can go back to ballet if that would make you happy mom.
What's the secret to happiness?
That's the dumbest question that you can ever ask me. Hay, how's about when you figure it out give me a call honey bee. Okay, because the best answer I can give you is just be the opposite of me t-:
Who's the smartest person you know?
Mr. Google Search Box, all so wise you are (Yoda moment), he always has the best advice. Lol.
If you could go on a road trip with any person, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you go?
Vic Fuentes, where ever he wants...
Would you rather be a famous musician or a famous actor?
Uhg? I want to choose both but, A famous musician, who does some awesome horror flicks.
What's the origin of your name?
Jaime, It's supposed to be spanish but mine is suppose to be you know more Frenchie. But somehow the spanish thing is Hebrewish meaning Supplant. The second part is Elizabeth, it's Hebrew and means "God's promise" So since my name is Jaime'ELizabeth and the first part is frenchish my name means "I LOVE GOD'S PROMISE". Wow, that's deep.
Would you rather own a luxury yacht or a private jet?
Psh, give me a Wal-Mart or a Hot Topic Gift card! I don't care about luxury things like that.
Who was your first crush?
Jesse. This guy I meet before I started school, his parents were friends with my grandparents and they fixed cars while we played old Nintendo. I haven't seen or heard from him in years.
Would you rather be really hot or really cold?
Really cold... But I'm only saying this right now because it's Summer time.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Lets agree to agree we are both insane.
Don’t know why but whenever I look in his eyes, I become a little frightened. And so far, that’s just from pictures. I wonder how it will all be when I see him in person next year. I think I liked him once. I must have. Don’t know why. Don’t really remember exactly when. But what is even the definition of like? Maybe I just at that time, whatever time it was, found him a bit interesting. He’s creepy now. Something is wrong with him. I feel it deep down in my soul. I find myself literally hold my breath when our paths cross or when he comments on my stuff or tags me. I remember it once being the opposite way. Me commenting on his stuff. Did he once hold his breath as if he was about to jump into a lake as I do? I don’t fear him. For some odd reason I feel he has a secrete and that I cannot trust him. I may never know him. Why is this swimming around in my head. Things like this only happen when I actually do cross paths with someone in the future but I’ve never seen something that is so clear and so blurry. I don’t understand it. I had almost felt an extreme dislike for him once. I remember that almost, almost clearly. I sound insane. I’ve always doubted if I was sane.
Sometimes, I’m just waiting for something to pop up on my computer with him just saying something. Maybe saying he’s, he’s an evil force from beyond the grave or something. Wow, now im laughing at myself. Something usually does pop up soon. Nothing that says something about crap about him being evil. But I don’t think he’s evil. I think something is just wrong with him. Something unnatural. Something is wrong with him. Something that scares me. Something in his eyes you know. I’ll never reveal the identity of this person and if I ever find out there is something wrong, I’ll never tell a soul. So why am I trippin?
It’s like talking to him, he’s odd. If our paths just so happen to cross on the internet it seems as if he fricking hates me. As if I am the evil one. The way he expresses himself through writing it just comes off as he thinks that I am just this young, naive child, as if I am beneath him and he is superior. Then the next second he’s acting all like he could almost be my friend or as if he is checking for potential in me or at the least sees some potential in me. For what exactly? I have no idea. It’s confusing. I never fully understand what exactly his motive is. I want to figure it out. Sometimes I feel like it’s a long chess game that we are playing. And its always out of the blue, he sneaks up and he’s there. Watching taunting. Saying something, something that aggravates me. As if he’ll give me what seems to be kindness up until this point where he just up and decides that he wont be nice anymore. As if he will be mean. As so I thought it was random. But I had discovered a pattern as to where I could pin-point exactly where he would say something and what it might be. I sound insane. Oh how I wish I could show you the proof but it is long gone, lost deep in my records. Hidden. And besides, I cannot show you without exposing everything. I cannot further show such embarrassments. I can only explain or more like summarize it. One day however, he will find out that I am on to it. Those eyes cannot cause me to listen any longer. I only see deception in it now and I refuse to let him get to me ever again. He describes himself as smart and victorious. Ha, more like young and naive. Never shall he get to me again and I have done pretty well myself as for getting the attention and then shutting all of his tactics down. I wont be please until I find out what his issues is.
Sometimes, I’m just waiting for something to pop up on my computer with him just saying something. Maybe saying he’s, he’s an evil force from beyond the grave or something. Wow, now im laughing at myself. Something usually does pop up soon. Nothing that says something about crap about him being evil. But I don’t think he’s evil. I think something is just wrong with him. Something unnatural. Something is wrong with him. Something that scares me. Something in his eyes you know. I’ll never reveal the identity of this person and if I ever find out there is something wrong, I’ll never tell a soul. So why am I trippin?
It’s like talking to him, he’s odd. If our paths just so happen to cross on the internet it seems as if he fricking hates me. As if I am the evil one. The way he expresses himself through writing it just comes off as he thinks that I am just this young, naive child, as if I am beneath him and he is superior. Then the next second he’s acting all like he could almost be my friend or as if he is checking for potential in me or at the least sees some potential in me. For what exactly? I have no idea. It’s confusing. I never fully understand what exactly his motive is. I want to figure it out. Sometimes I feel like it’s a long chess game that we are playing. And its always out of the blue, he sneaks up and he’s there. Watching taunting. Saying something, something that aggravates me. As if he’ll give me what seems to be kindness up until this point where he just up and decides that he wont be nice anymore. As if he will be mean. As so I thought it was random. But I had discovered a pattern as to where I could pin-point exactly where he would say something and what it might be. I sound insane. Oh how I wish I could show you the proof but it is long gone, lost deep in my records. Hidden. And besides, I cannot show you without exposing everything. I cannot further show such embarrassments. I can only explain or more like summarize it. One day however, he will find out that I am on to it. Those eyes cannot cause me to listen any longer. I only see deception in it now and I refuse to let him get to me ever again. He describes himself as smart and victorious. Ha, more like young and naive. Never shall he get to me again and I have done pretty well myself as for getting the attention and then shutting all of his tactics down. I wont be please until I find out what his issues is.
He rocks in the treetops all day long, Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' his song. All the little birds on J-Bird Street, Love to hear the robin go tweet, tweet, tweet.
Lol, so that's what you were talking about. Who is this. You seriously made my day. I haven't smiled in a long while.
its obvious yhu lykee him && hes talkinq 2 her whut chu gonna do???
Okay, I currently don't know any guys well enough to actually like them. And the ones I actually do know, I'm not currently interested in them (no offense to those guys). And the whole who ever is talking to whoever, I can't control who talks to who nor do I want to. What I am going to do is be myself. I don't compete if that's what you were getting at so Nice Day.
wwho dht guy yhu b talkinn 2 on heree????
1). What guy 2). What cave did you crawl out of? Speak English next time lol.
Death of a Stranger.
It's funny how life works. That one person you see everyday and never talk to will be gone the next and you'd be surprised how much of a life they had before it was taken away. I see this dude walking down the street everyday and at all the football games. I knew nothing about him. I would've road the bus with him this incoming school year if he was alive. It's crazy you know. Never held a conversation with him. Never knew he was my close cousin's best friend. Never knew I knew so many of his friends. Never knew a girl who I met in 3rd grade and knew all this time became his girl-friend 5days ago. I never knew I've been holding a conversation with his cousin almost everyday on Facebook. Never really knew his name. It's crazy. I could swear I saw him walking hours ago. I think he's the third kid from our high school to die this year. One girl a bad car accident and him, heart - attack. He was on the basket-ball team. He was tall as the mountains (which I've never seen before). He seemed nice. I read all this stuff about how he was there for people when they needed him and that he was so full of life. That he was just at someone's house yesterday. Hell, I could swear I just saw him walking looking so cold a few hours ago. He looked odd. He looked different. Barely recognized him. I wish he was still here, alive. Not for my sake but for his friends and family. I wish his heart at this very moment could you know, just jump start to life and that he would just run outside and go play basketball or go to a party at least one last time. I mean that had to have happened so quick. I want him to be right there walking in the street with his friends so I can scream at my dad who's driving like a maniac to slow down before he runs him over. I always had a little wonder of how the life of a stranger on the street, what it was like. I think I finally got a look now. And I just wish he was alive now because all the people that I do know are super sad. Sadder than I normally am. When school starts, we're going to hear maybe a speech or two dedicate to him, it's a small town maybe something on the regular channels and on the Fourth of July gathering at West Bridge Park. I'm just imagining how sad everyone is going to be. And the crazy thing is, it seems he was always the one to stop all these other people's sadness. I remember seeing him joke a lot too. I remembered that yesterday. Never occurred to me why I remembered it. The dude he just seemed so full of life and it's a small world. You never know how you could somehow be connect on a web to a stranger. A friend of a couple of friends. You know it seems it's always the people who seem so full of life who lose it ever so quickly. It's a shame. It seems it's always the nicest ones, the ones with the closest families. The ones with so many friends, the ones who seems so many people depend on. It's insane, it makes me think even more about the strangers on the street. He has the same last name as one of my cousins you know, he could've even been related to me. Never thought of that. Probably not. Never know. Rest in Peace D. Alexander. It's obvious you were missed by so many before you even took that last breath.
What was the worst movie you've ever seen?
FOOTLOOSE! I HATE HATE HATE FOOTLOOSE! When we did it for Beta, I was doing the darn dances in my sleep. And the movie was boring, I thought I would die if I didn't pluck my eyes out first. I watched it so I can be informed on the dances and the stuff we were doing. Studying movies are evil. I'll take the textbook! <--Rambling
If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?
Myself. I don't see anyone on a higher level at this moment. I suck, you suck lets agree we all suck and stay in our own bodies. Okay, love you.
What's your dream car?
Black Convertible Beatle, leather seats. I will cherish it for my entire life (whenever I get it).
What's your favorite type of flower?
I like roses. The ones that are white, black, dark red, peachy, whatever. And I think I like daisies.
If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?
Cancer. You know what, any type of disease
What's the best gift you've ever given?
The gift of a friend :-) Ha, NOT, just kidding, I love my friends
What did you dream about last night?
Well, I "imagined me and you, I do, I think about you day and night, it's only right to think about the one you love and hold um tight so happy together!" No not really, It was just black and dark and then I woke up... I haven't really been sleeping lately.
If you had the opportunity to live one year of your life over again, which year would you choose?
They all suck to tell you the truth. But I'd say last year, some of the people and stuff that I dealt with really messed me up and I feel I messed up a lot last year on grades and I got rid of all the villains a little too late. I wish I would've listened to my teachers about stuff like that earlier.
What celebrity would play you in a movie about your life?
I have no idea. Whoever they can find at an insane asylum. Don't know. You tell me.
Who do you think should be the next president of the United States?
Sarah McLachlan, she's going to come up there in the middle of the campaign with injured little puppies and kittens and sing that song and break us down with tears and we'll all cry as we cast the vote.
What was your worst travel experience?
Okay, Alabama in 7th grade, evacuation for Gustav, drowning in a pool, no one came to help me... Long story of how I ended up saving myself and have water issues now..
Who's the funniest person you know?
My dad, he makes no sense half the time and can't speak English that well. Yes, that maybe a little sick but he also tells some very corny jokes that literally make no sense... I love my family.
What's your favorite genre of music?
I'm tied between just about all rock and alternative along with bluesy type stuff. But I'm cool listening to other types of music.
Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?
Committed. Dating a whole bunch of people would just cause a lot of drama for me. That's too hard, when I like somebody and we start dating and all that, I'm focusing on that relationship and only think of that guy as being more than my friend. But maybe that's just me and how my brain works...
Are you more of a talker or more of a listener?
Well, on computer, I'm more of a typer because I can't help but put too much. BUT, I read all that the person responds to me with. In real life, I'm a listener.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
lol , whevs . the next stepp behind second ... kk ?!
What's the point Myka? But honestly, I think you should google it. I think it may be a millisecond? I have no idea right now because I'm listening to Chris Crocker and I can't think when he is singing...
lol , i knw right ?! i even got the year and minute and second , and the othr thingg thts smaller then a second .. (microsecond?!) but yea ohkay . im dne .
Microsecond? I would've went with milli or go all Zenon on you and say nano.
ahem , thats pi day ( duhhh!!! )
See it was cute when our pre-algebra teacher did that in class because you guys got pie. Probably the highlight of the year. No, lol the other thing was, Ha! Anyways, see when you say stuff like that, it isn't adorable. It's just, you made more progress than that Myka. I am immensely disappointed in you. I'm kidding Look at Mykie doing creative things, oh, HIGH FIVE! lol
1.. 2.. 3 .. what comes aftr 3 ?!
The same things as your report card, all D's! Lol, I'm sure there's an F on there. Just kidding, love you!
are yu crushing on someone right now ?! [ lmao )
Not really currently, but if any nice guys out there want to step up and you know talk to me or whatever, you know how to find me lol.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
no one knws who made it up . its a random game . thts like askin who made "pattycake" up or "numberss" .
Oh, well, I thought it was something someone made up. Half the time I make up random stuff and make up rules to where only I can win. *evil laugh*. The tree game? I still have no freaking idea what that is lol! Are you sure you know what you're talking about? Or maybe I just dont remember.
How would you describe your style?
What ever I feel is right or that expresses how I feel. Mostly dark colored, tight skinnies, netted tights with shorts. Band tee-shirts, odd stuff.
If you could ask Barack Obama one question what would it be?
I would ask him to add me on Facebook. So when he puts something like "Just made a peace treat with a random country, and baked a pie" and I'd be like "like" and I'll be like dude, Barack Obama just added me on facebook on my status and he'd be all hey, you tagged me "like"...
If you could instantly become fluent in another language, which language would you pick?
Creole or French. I want to live in France someday.
If you had the opportunity to live one year of your life over again, which year would you choose?
Last year, but I much rather just move on from the mistakes. Most of them were fixed. Except the important ones.
OMFG , we played it in the car on the way to yur gmaws house!!!
I know! You told me that already. But who made it up? It sounds insane..
THE EFFIN TREE GAME!!!! example , tree bark dog animal zoo elephant trunk , etc!!!
That doesn't make a bit of sense mykie! Who came up with that bull?
WHY THE HELL DONT YU REMEMBER THE TREE GAME ?!
I don't know why? Huh, may because it was over a year ago. Can you please describe to me this "tree game" that you speak of? lol
do random ppl tlk 2 u on fb ?!
Yep, your one of them. I wish more random people would talk to me on Facebook tho.
Would you rather be a zombie or a mummy?
Zombie, then I can dance freakishly awesome with Michael Jackson.
whaa happen 2 u n jeffry?
Tell me who this is first and you'll get your answer with your next question :-)
Would you rather have the ability to fly, or the ability to breathe underwater?
Surprisingly fly, and that's odd if you knew my newly developed phobia dealing with water.
If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never had to do it again, what would it be?
Step outside of the shower and gasp for air because I think that thing is trying to kill me there's literally no air in the bathroom!
How many languages do you speak?
I speak a little Creole but not that much because they haven't taught me that much. I guess they didn't think it was important for me to express my culture...
What would your dream job look like?
As long as I can help people and make a good change in someone's life, that's probably what I want to spend my life doing.
What 3 things do you think will become obsolete in the next ten years?
heterosexuality, anything that you have to actually move yourself, Non-3D movies.
I miss being friends, ]: I wanna fix this. I knoe it's gonna take time & thaat we're not gonna go straight bak into being biffles, but can't we at least try to be friends again? Please? :/
We can be civil, but I honestly dont think we can be friends again like that.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Poem, I wrote awhile ago...
The Good and Myself
Thinking of thinking was thinking of you Thinking that thinking would make you think of me too Living with living I just couldn't live for you Living with life hoping you'd understand and yet, You never came through Loving with loving and longing for love was only a myth Loving that believing in love was absolutely pointless Growing with the growth and developing understanding Growing with the growing of a whole new idea of life made me a little less demanding Pleased with being unpleased I had learned then Pleasing others without myself being pleased I could not win Letting go and releasing it all Letting go, I was ever so proud to fall Thinking of not thinking brings me peace Living knowing that I am dead, therefore not living, I feel from my trap I am released Loving that love is only a state of mind I didn't believe in however, I hear it takes time Growing until I grew a dark state yet I am just fine How pleasing to please only yourself In letting go, I had left behind the people for only the good and myself.
Thinking of thinking was thinking of you Thinking that thinking would make you think of me too Living with living I just couldn't live for you Living with life hoping you'd understand and yet, You never came through Loving with loving and longing for love was only a myth Loving that believing in love was absolutely pointless Growing with the growth and developing understanding Growing with the growing of a whole new idea of life made me a little less demanding Pleased with being unpleased I had learned then Pleasing others without myself being pleased I could not win Letting go and releasing it all Letting go, I was ever so proud to fall Thinking of not thinking brings me peace Living knowing that I am dead, therefore not living, I feel from my trap I am released Loving that love is only a state of mind I didn't believe in however, I hear it takes time Growing until I grew a dark state yet I am just fine How pleasing to please only yourself In letting go, I had left behind the people for only the good and myself.
I want to get a flat stomach, NOT GAIN 20 MORE POUNDS MOM!
I desperately want a flat stomach. I’d be content with the shape of my body. I just really want one. I’d fit into clothes better and you know what, I wouldn’t be asked when my baby is due if my tummy was flat. Btw, I’m abstinent and going into high school so yeah, dumb question. Not there I care about their opinion like that, it's just aggravating being hassled like that and it looks so bad.Anyways, where I’m going with this, I cant exercise because of the accident so all of my plans of trying to get a flat stomach went out the door before Summer even came. That woman changed a lot of my plans when she hit us. And you know what, it really doesn’t help with my mother stacking this house up with candy and mostly, chocolate. That fricking sucks! Can’t work out, can’t be healthy. I wanted banana chips and I can’t have them because she said 2.88 is too much. Uh, its healthy, tastes good, I want it and since when do we have money for all this candy. I’m miserable, lonely, no one to talk to this Summer, boyfriend is M.I.A., I’m gaining wait instead of losing, and my best friend is the status box on Facebook and the candy in the fridge that I’m getting sick off of because I am allergic to milk and before that I keep having this uncontrollable urge to puke and I feel sick and depressed. Uhg, I HATE SUMMER! It’s hot, boring and depressing. Why did we move to the country? There’s nothing to do!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Death, Lies, etc. No one ever reads this anyway. No one listens for a cry of help they just laugh and mock it...
I don’t want to live like this anymore. I dont even know how to make it better.I don’t want to be depressed and unhappy and just so sick. I don’t want to lie about who I am on the inside. I don’t want to fake like I didn’t cry myself to sleep the other night and hurry to close my eyes and wipe them before my mother walks in the door because I don’t feel like hearing her tell me everything is all in my mind and that there is nothing wrong with me. I know I’m not normal. I know that I need help and denying me of help is making me get worst everyday. If acting like problems don’t exist and talking to me like I am a liar and making stuff up, if that’s how its going to be, then that will lead it to the end. I cant take this anymore. All of this all of everything. Feeling so lonely feeling so misunderstood. You never know how a person feels until you have felt it and you will never feel this. You can never feel this. You have no idea how I feel so stop saying you know because it doesn’t help. Shut up and listen for five seconds! No one ever shuts up and listens. And I’m tired of everyone. They only come to locked doors. I didn’t lock my door, you did. You caused me to shut all of you out the way you shut me out. The way you wouldn’t listen to me. All of them. All of those who leave and didn’t care and then when you see a break down you want to come back. You only want entertainment from me. You only want a show. You all ignored me and pushed me away and you come back to find out what is wrong and tell me it’ll be okay. That life will go on. That life is beautiful. Life is over for me. I’m death. Why can you see that. Why can you understand that. You all left me and I feel into a dark and lonely trance where the only ones who talk to me is whatever the heck is in my mind. If you love people you wont leave them behind. You don’t trick them and use them and only come back when you see that there is entertainment. So why am I posting this to a blog? Because no one ever reads it. And when I ask for someone to read it, they never read it. So no one will ever read this and I can pour whatever piece of my heart left into some paragraphs and it’ll be ignored just as the person who wrote it. I’m depressed. They all know I am. I’m so tired of faking it. All I want to do is sit in a dark corner and cry or lay in a ball on my bed and cry and occasionally scream. I have no one there for me. I can scream for help and no one will come. No one will ever come. There is no one out there who actually cares about the way I’m feeling and if some how there was, I don’t think that they could even attempt to even try to understand. I just scare them off anyway. Why do I attempt to lower the amount of ridicule? Is that human nature? Am I even human? They treat me as if I’m an experiment gone wrong. To walk into class, at school where I am suppose to be safe and to hear them whisper about something they have no proof of knowing I did. To always be asked for scissors or a sharp object because “I do stuff like that” and then sometimes they don’t even try to hint it they just scream at me that I am a cutter or that I am emo or goth or that I’m suicidal or that I’m a potential murder. Those things are mean. I never told anyone anything even close to that except for I tell them that I am not gothic and I tell them just call me emo then if its that serious. Just because I’m not another prep on the cheerleading team a lot of them made a point to tell me that I didn’t belong there and also make me feel that way. I hate middle school. I felt so alone. I go home and I feel alone. I go on the computer and I feel alone. Only place when I am not alone is the rare occasion in my dreams. That’s why I sleep late. And I dislike them even more from waking me up from my one piece of anything close to happiness. I don’t even want to wake up in the morning anymore. I have no problem with just sitting there and crying with my door locked so no one comes in there to catch me. I have no problem running in the bathroom and crying on the floor. I’ve been doing it for years as my depression increases. I’ve only been caught a few times. I’m just super miserable okay. I’m tired of hiding it. I’m not bitter and I’m not mean because I don’t want to laugh at your cruel jokes. You think I’m happy, turn around in class and look at my tears. I hate school but I hate home more. And I cant wait for summer to be over so I cant get the hell out of this hell hole! I’m sick. I have to stop myself from puking every five seconds. I hate eating. I don’t want to eat anymore. I hate food. I hate everything. All I want is a distraction. If I have to watch tv all day and be on facebook to make myself forget my life for awhile and to distract myself from my problems, let me do it so I don’t have to keep snapping but its not like you can stop me from snapping. I lost control of myself so long ago. I lost myself so long ago. I don’t know who I am anymore. Who ever I was long ago, that happy, perky, child she’s dead. I put her out of her lying misery. I don’t know where she went but she’s dead and she is never coming back. I don’t know if that was Jaime or someone else but she is dead and gone. Call me crazy call me insane but it’s the truth that no one ever wants to hear…
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I want to LEARN at School and have my teachers TEACH me useful lessons!
I’ve never really given any thought about who I would be. In fact, I honestly never thought I’d live to see 14. Deep down inside I’ve always felt confused about who I am and who I want to be. People say that you shouldn’t think so hard on the future at such a long age but I don’t want to waist anytime when the future really does come. I don’t want to be just getting out of high school and wondering what am I going to do with my life and then realize I didn’t prepare myself at anytime during my high school years. I also don’t want to wake up one day and realize I worked so hard on something at school and don’t do it or have all this meaningless stuff I did. Others say oh, just work on having fun in high school. Things I want to do, I cant do. Things that make me happy, I cant do that either. So what the hell am I suppose to do in high school? Oh yeah, that’s right, go get an education and prepare yourself. Prepare myself for what? What is school really for? All this time in school that I have spent no one has really helped us prepare for life! All they ever do is prepare s for the dang LEAP/iLeap! Those test are just about over now! So why would I think that they would prepare me for life in high school? We’re probably going to spend each year studying for the E.O.C(end of course exam, basically like the Leap test but usually on computers.) and then maybe some A.C.T practice. Yes, that’s nice. We spent all that time on that, but what if we fail, what if we didn’t succeed? Does that mean the teachers didn’t do their job or that we didn’t do ours? Does that mean that we are a failure? Four years spent preparing us for this and only this, and we don’t even do that well? Then what? Does our life stop there? It cant!
From the time I actually starting going to real school, all they ever did was try to teach us to pass the fourth grade Leap. Fifth grade all through middle school, focus on passing that 8th grade Leap everybody. But what about the test? Get a bad grade, “oh, well, I hope you do better on the Leap. This wont fly on the Leap.” That dreading, horrific acranim, I hate the LEAP! I think we should just get rid of it you know? We focus so much on it and its such a big deal, it freaks us all out! Teachers at some schools even risk their jobs and sneak giving the kids answers to the test so they could pass, its just that big of a deal and half the test doesn’t even make sense!
Yes, I am worrying a little about high school. Especially college. Even more so when I get an adult life. I cant even picture myself that far. I never really could have. My time limit of thinking of the future goes from Leap test to Leap test.
They never taught us social skills, it doesn’t help for them to force us never to talk in the halls from the day we were first enrolled all the way up to 8th grade. They never really taught us how to act. All they ever did was tell us that we were the worst this grade level has ever had. (Oh, I bet you tell that to all your students, but thanks.) They always say what we do is wrong, our grades aren’t high enough, our eating habits aren’t good enough our grammar is wrong, spelling wrong, this paper is wrong, the way we talk wrong, the way we treat each other is wrong, we don’t respect ourselves, we don’t know how to multitask, we didn’t do the paper right so no credit, your unorganized, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and ON!
Teachers should teach us more than how to score high on the Leap because apparently, we cant do that either. I think that they should get rid of that useless computer class that teaches us crap on Microsoft Word from like what 93-2003 because uh hello, Today, WINDOWS ANYTHING LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THAT AND WORKS DIFFERENTLY! I think that instead of the 90 minute block for English/Language Arts and Math and the 45 for Science and Social Studies (which teaches us nothing on being Social really.) I think that we should have A and B days kind of like in high school were we have two of the core subjects and they are both really long periods of time like the first half of the day. That way we can focus more and learn more, plus, we can actually teach concepts and learn the concepts and most importantly understand the concepts. Especially in Language Arts so kids can know those were way two many ands in that last sentence. We all fail Science big time. Don’t just give us some crap that we don’t understand and expect us to automatically know what to do. Explain it! Maybe give us useful “exploratory classes” were we you know, can explore. Like a REAL interactive health class. Tell us why we should stay healthy instead of just to be healthy. Explain moderation instead of taking away the snacks we loved so much and needed because not all of us can eat the cafateria food. AND ST. CHARLES PARISH, NOT ALL OF US CAN EAT CHEESE AND THOES EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF IT IS UNHEALTHY AND FATTING! Then in P.E. make exercising and sports fun! If the kid doesn’t like sports or have bad nerves such as people like, uh, I don’t know myself, let them run around or jog at a nice pace around the school yard, gym, wherever you are at that moment with some friends. Its fun and healthy! We don’t respect or bodies and too many of middle schoolers are having sex, doing hand jobs, blow jobs, getting pregnant, etc. How about giving us a health class because these kids don’t use protection all the time, and probably don’t put the condoms on right. They also are not very well educated on STDs and sexual health. Its worst to have us be dumb and have sex. They should teach not force abstinence and then explain to them what can happen from sex and especially tell them that if you decide to have sex then how to be safe. Like I said, in every subject some teachers are beginning to force and not teach. And btw, teach kids that if they decide to have sex, the school’s bathroom is probably not the best place. Also, teach us about our bodies and the feelings that we have. There are things in the vagina and I never knew that they were there and I am sure that a lot of these kids don’t know everything about their body parts and I KNOW that they should! We have the right to know how things work down there.
Behavior, you always complain about it, but you never teach us how to deal with ourselves or how to behave and we are not going to be angels when you talk to us like demons. Stop treating us like we are in prison if you don’t want us to end up there. Maybe teach us proper etiquette and also teach us social skills. You’ll need that for college, for any type of interview. Don’t just force the kid from Spain, South America, Central America to learn English but teach us Americans how to speak Spanish too. Not all schools have that. Teach us more about how to respect ourself and others and learn what to say and not to say. I don’t mean brain wash us like they sometimes do but I mean teach them not to make random racial slurs or hurtful or just downright stupid things especially not to say them all out loud in public, yelling it. We all need a little anger management and you cant leave all this stuff up to the parents. They can only teach them so much. You maybe wondering how can we squeeze all this in a day well think about it.
A/B Days
Around 7:10 School starts
7:15-8:00 homeroom-social time, catch up on work study etc, that’s what it should be for
8(:05)-9:30 Math or Ela
9:30(:35)-11 Science or Social Studies
*you can switch the order of the core classes up too*
11-12 lunch/wind down, recess
12(:05)-1 exploratory-health, p/e, behavior studies
1(:05)-2 exploratory-music, anything else etc or switch the order around
See that’s like what six or seven hours of school and you can get all that accomplished. Its productive, stress free, gives you enough time to learn and just soak it all in and also to be social. Being social is a big part of life. Believe it or not, you actually need to know people and how to talk to them and how to behave with other human beings. Wow, and maybe you can throw in a extra hour for “LEAP” practice if it’s all that serious. So over the summer, may someone should check the lesson plans and I don’t know, add some real lessons so kids don’t loose their minds like me or later be among the large number of a adults who don’t know how to be adults and/or function in the real world because I’m confused even with my mommy there J.
From the time I actually starting going to real school, all they ever did was try to teach us to pass the fourth grade Leap. Fifth grade all through middle school, focus on passing that 8th grade Leap everybody. But what about the test? Get a bad grade, “oh, well, I hope you do better on the Leap. This wont fly on the Leap.” That dreading, horrific acranim, I hate the LEAP! I think we should just get rid of it you know? We focus so much on it and its such a big deal, it freaks us all out! Teachers at some schools even risk their jobs and sneak giving the kids answers to the test so they could pass, its just that big of a deal and half the test doesn’t even make sense!
Yes, I am worrying a little about high school. Especially college. Even more so when I get an adult life. I cant even picture myself that far. I never really could have. My time limit of thinking of the future goes from Leap test to Leap test.
They never taught us social skills, it doesn’t help for them to force us never to talk in the halls from the day we were first enrolled all the way up to 8th grade. They never really taught us how to act. All they ever did was tell us that we were the worst this grade level has ever had. (Oh, I bet you tell that to all your students, but thanks.) They always say what we do is wrong, our grades aren’t high enough, our eating habits aren’t good enough our grammar is wrong, spelling wrong, this paper is wrong, the way we talk wrong, the way we treat each other is wrong, we don’t respect ourselves, we don’t know how to multitask, we didn’t do the paper right so no credit, your unorganized, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and ON!
Teachers should teach us more than how to score high on the Leap because apparently, we cant do that either. I think that they should get rid of that useless computer class that teaches us crap on Microsoft Word from like what 93-2003 because uh hello, Today, WINDOWS ANYTHING LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THAT AND WORKS DIFFERENTLY! I think that instead of the 90 minute block for English/Language Arts and Math and the 45 for Science and Social Studies (which teaches us nothing on being Social really.) I think that we should have A and B days kind of like in high school were we have two of the core subjects and they are both really long periods of time like the first half of the day. That way we can focus more and learn more, plus, we can actually teach concepts and learn the concepts and most importantly understand the concepts. Especially in Language Arts so kids can know those were way two many ands in that last sentence. We all fail Science big time. Don’t just give us some crap that we don’t understand and expect us to automatically know what to do. Explain it! Maybe give us useful “exploratory classes” were we you know, can explore. Like a REAL interactive health class. Tell us why we should stay healthy instead of just to be healthy. Explain moderation instead of taking away the snacks we loved so much and needed because not all of us can eat the cafateria food. AND ST. CHARLES PARISH, NOT ALL OF US CAN EAT CHEESE AND THOES EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF IT IS UNHEALTHY AND FATTING! Then in P.E. make exercising and sports fun! If the kid doesn’t like sports or have bad nerves such as people like, uh, I don’t know myself, let them run around or jog at a nice pace around the school yard, gym, wherever you are at that moment with some friends. Its fun and healthy! We don’t respect or bodies and too many of middle schoolers are having sex, doing hand jobs, blow jobs, getting pregnant, etc. How about giving us a health class because these kids don’t use protection all the time, and probably don’t put the condoms on right. They also are not very well educated on STDs and sexual health. Its worst to have us be dumb and have sex. They should teach not force abstinence and then explain to them what can happen from sex and especially tell them that if you decide to have sex then how to be safe. Like I said, in every subject some teachers are beginning to force and not teach. And btw, teach kids that if they decide to have sex, the school’s bathroom is probably not the best place. Also, teach us about our bodies and the feelings that we have. There are things in the vagina and I never knew that they were there and I am sure that a lot of these kids don’t know everything about their body parts and I KNOW that they should! We have the right to know how things work down there.
Behavior, you always complain about it, but you never teach us how to deal with ourselves or how to behave and we are not going to be angels when you talk to us like demons. Stop treating us like we are in prison if you don’t want us to end up there. Maybe teach us proper etiquette and also teach us social skills. You’ll need that for college, for any type of interview. Don’t just force the kid from Spain, South America, Central America to learn English but teach us Americans how to speak Spanish too. Not all schools have that. Teach us more about how to respect ourself and others and learn what to say and not to say. I don’t mean brain wash us like they sometimes do but I mean teach them not to make random racial slurs or hurtful or just downright stupid things especially not to say them all out loud in public, yelling it. We all need a little anger management and you cant leave all this stuff up to the parents. They can only teach them so much. You maybe wondering how can we squeeze all this in a day well think about it.
A/B Days
Around 7:10 School starts
7:15-8:00 homeroom-social time, catch up on work study etc, that’s what it should be for
8(:05)-9:30 Math or Ela
9:30(:35)-11 Science or Social Studies
*you can switch the order of the core classes up too*
11-12 lunch/wind down, recess
12(:05)-1 exploratory-health, p/e, behavior studies
1(:05)-2 exploratory-music, anything else etc or switch the order around
See that’s like what six or seven hours of school and you can get all that accomplished. Its productive, stress free, gives you enough time to learn and just soak it all in and also to be social. Being social is a big part of life. Believe it or not, you actually need to know people and how to talk to them and how to behave with other human beings. Wow, and maybe you can throw in a extra hour for “LEAP” practice if it’s all that serious. So over the summer, may someone should check the lesson plans and I don’t know, add some real lessons so kids don’t loose their minds like me or later be among the large number of a adults who don’t know how to be adults and/or function in the real world because I’m confused even with my mommy there J.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Social Project, Need the Answer of All the GUYS
If it sounds a little crazy, this is the message I sent to like a 100+ guys on facebook
I've been trying to get this project ready for a year now but never really knew what I was doing or had the time. Many of you may have heard of the Vh1 special, "Undateable", if not it's basically about all the things that guys do that makes women not want to date them. Honestly, I think that if a guy is the way he is, he probably won't change himself too much.
Okay, what's the point of this project? Well, I want to know what GIRLS do to make GUYS not want to date them. Certain things as how they dress, what to do on a first date, any date, what not to do on any date, etc. Everything and anything that would make you or any other guy not want to date a girl and most importantly WHY. Be serious, make jokes, be funny, it doesn't matter. I'm asking this and it's not a must. I just think that these facts should just get out there. Thank you for reading and your participation.
Comment or message me your answers on Myspace www.myspace.com/jaimeelizabethjohnston or facebook, just search Jaime'Elizabeth Johnston or Twitter it @JaiLiz
I've been trying to get this project ready for a year now but never really knew what I was doing or had the time. Many of you may have heard of the Vh1 special, "Undateable", if not it's basically about all the things that guys do that makes women not want to date them. Honestly, I think that if a guy is the way he is, he probably won't change himself too much.
Okay, what's the point of this project? Well, I want to know what GIRLS do to make GUYS not want to date them. Certain things as how they dress, what to do on a first date, any date, what not to do on any date, etc. Everything and anything that would make you or any other guy not want to date a girl and most importantly WHY. Be serious, make jokes, be funny, it doesn't matter. I'm asking this and it's not a must. I just think that these facts should just get out there. Thank you for reading and your participation.
Comment or message me your answers on Myspace www.myspace.com/jaimeelizabethjohnston or facebook, just search Jaime'Elizabeth Johnston or Twitter it @JaiLiz
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