My Dad's Mom/Pushing Me Away

The beginning of last month, my grandmother moved in with us. I don't know her very well and she was never there for me. My father expects for me to act with her as I do with my other grandparents but it took awhile to get there.

Recently, everything I do is wrong to them. My grandmother does not approve of my music, my conversations, or interests. I feel as if all I do is wrong in her eyes and it is rubbing off on my parents also.  I did not know that my mother had such a problem with me. I have not changed at all. Apparently, I'm being "bad" and "disrespectful". Apparently saying "Excuse me," and not "Excuse me grandma," is wrong. Apparently not talking to her about things she cares about is wrong. My grandmother can say anything she likes to me, do anything she wants and I still get the blame. I'm the wrong one. 

Everything she does is okay because "Her mind is bad," Okay, so is mind too. I have a hell of a lot of problems that no one seems to give a fuck about. I just do not see how it's fair that we all have to change our lives and drop everything to help her and no one gives a shit about me. The things that I do, I'm "faking" right? Everything that I have ever done, they act like it never happened.

My dad is pissed because I did not have anything to say about my grandmother. To be honest, I do not think much of her. She is a person who has to have things her way, must control things, stay stuck on one thing, and throw bible quotes at me. However, she is still my grandmother and I love her. Then, on the other-hand, love has never really meant that much to me in the first place. But I care for her, that's important and I still try to be "respectful" and include her in the conversations, I guess it'll never be good enough and I am just sick of attempting to please my family. They don't know that they are only pushing me away.

Friends Wasting Friend's Time

     Recently, my friend was trying to hook me up with random guys. Apparently, everyone thinks that I need a boyfriend these days. There was one guy she had specifically in mind, he's her boyfriend's friend, and she really had her mind set on us two being together. So, I viewed his Facebook profile, (yes, I judge people by there Facebook profile. Certain things say a lot about maturity and personality, I'll talk about this later).
    Anyways, I did not find him attractive, we seemed to have nothing in common. He's not ugly, that is not what I meant by not finding him attractive. It's just I look in his eyes and I see hate, I see so much trouble with him. Not the hot kind of troubled or emo guy. He just wasn't my type anyway.
    Now that it's exams week, its a shorter school day and everyone has the same lunch period, he was there and they were grabbing the guy and making him come by me and I'm being pushed towards him. In-fact, were both being pushed and people were yelling and it just sucked, I was embarrassed and it looked as if it pained him to see me.
     I believe that if he REALLY wanted to talk to me are "be" with me, then he would have BEEN said something to me. I mean he knew of my existence. He knew what they were planning. He's seen me multiple times. He really doesn't like me. I can tell! I am not done. Do not force someone to be with me, I wouldn't even force someone to be with me. Besides, it's wrong. It's not fair.
     Maybe I should get a bit further into why he is not "the guy" for me. Well, first of all, he doesn't walk through the hallways. He lurks. Lurking as in trying not to be seen, like he is dead set on finding something, following something, tracking it down. He has a hunter's spirit.
     He doesn't look depressed, and especially not happy. He looks mad all the time, filled with hate. I don't want to be with someone who looks like they hate me and everything. We have nothing in common it seems and my friend actually had to mention "He does not judge," Which was only said because I am just too different for him. I dont know. I was just, I felt nothing for him, I don't trust him, and he obviously does not like me so neither of us should waist our time.

Do It Again Sometime/Back in Action

     Well, it has been awhile. I have neglected my blog and for what? I honestly cannot think of a reason, or at least one that makes sense. All of my recent post have come from formspring from a guy who I do not know who does not know English.
     Something every writer should remember is that you write. No matter what, I have to write. I have to get it out. I can't just stop because I don't actually have followers. Hell, I just gained one. The other two are my sister (who doesn't use her blog and hasn't for years) and a girl who was my friend but we don't actually talk anymore. So I am counting this as my first follower. If I get more, and if I don't, well that's life. Who cares? As long as I write something and have the balls to post even if I know that someone may never ever read it, I posted. I said something and contributed to the world. Being a writer or a blogger should not be about the amount of followers. Do not judge me by the amount of my followers but by the content of my blog. (I guess, that sounded a lot deeper in my head).
     To be honest, that felt really great to just type something out... and I think that I am going to do it again sometime.