A "Real" Relationship (another rant)

I have always wondered what it would be like to be in a real relationship. I don't count my first boyfriend because it was my first boyfriend. It was a very childish relationship. Even though it lasted a year and 4 months, it was filled with unnecessary problems and to be honest I wasn't ready and he had problems. I felt as if I had caused him too much silly drama. I was talking to a guy very soon after him for a long time. He asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of times but he's used to sex. If he's used to sex I shouldn't stop him but I won't give him any. I don't want to change someones lifestyle, they'll resent me. Besides I was not actually physically attracted to him. Then I got with this guy who didn't want a girlfriend really but I didn't want a boyfriend. It was just aggravating because you know he was such a punk ass little bitch. Sorry, but this not a family blog and that's the only way to describe him. It wasn't after while I told him it was over then after that he says I belong to him I'm his woman and we love eachother. Yes, he was terribly insane..I got back with the guy before that it was kind of getting serious however we never really did anything at all. I was somehow alway busy. But I'm glad. I soon found out there was another girl. I asked him that's the problem. He lied to my face because I told him I didn't care if there was someone else or someone else he liked. He lied. Said there was no one and he loved me "127%" He lied an awful lot to me. After that came my second boyfriend. Wow, I've blogged a lot of this before. God  knows how used and abused I felt. Cheated on me every second possible. And even with my "friend". I felt ugly because all the girls were infamous for not being too attractive. I felt broken for awhile, but I learned. I stopped crying after the first two. The third guy turned a bit stalkerish and I didn't like him and just needed a friend. 
I guess I don't count them because I was such a child. Although they were older they were children too. It was all lies all distrust so much cheating and not to mention both boyfriends both neglected me. Sucked but with breakups, I get so inspired and write the best songs and poetry. I think the fact that I feel so much mental pain is because it hurts the worst to me. Sure many things put me at my lows but that just makes those highs even better. 
I know that nothing lasts forever. I can see the break up long before the together so I guess I'm ready. Sure an awful lot of guys have done me some god awful things but I am actually okay.  What can I do about a douchebag? Ignore them, move on, write some songs. 
I believe that all of this has help me to grow and mature even more so. I think a real relationship is something where you don't have to hide, you have fun. You trust each other. No leaches but no neglect. Communication and etc being able to hold someone and speak your mind. Im sick of being the weirdo or being told to not be goth when I'm not goth. It's just well its a bit complex yet simple and beautiful I guess... But then again,wouldn't know. 

Screw It!

      Sometimes I wonder what's the point? What's the point of anything anymore and why am I here. I just feel like a waist of space some days. Most days actually. I just feel like a prop. Just there to fill in an empty space with another empty space. I've just longed for a meaning, something that makes life worth living. What's the point of living a long, miserable life with no meaning. Honestly, I've thought of death for an immensely long time. I just don't understand it. Why am I not happy? Why am I not thriving through my teen years like the other kids? Why don't I appear to be having the time of my life like the rest of them? They say Its good to be different and for what? If i am not fading into the background, it's like they are trying to burn me in front of city hall! Whatever, I don't care anymore, screw them, screw this town, screw anyone who don't like me or what I stand for, screw everybody! I'm done...

My Dad's Mom/Pushing Me Away

The beginning of last month, my grandmother moved in with us. I don't know her very well and she was never there for me. My father expects for me to act with her as I do with my other grandparents but it took awhile to get there.

Recently, everything I do is wrong to them. My grandmother does not approve of my music, my conversations, or interests. I feel as if all I do is wrong in her eyes and it is rubbing off on my parents also.  I did not know that my mother had such a problem with me. I have not changed at all. Apparently, I'm being "bad" and "disrespectful". Apparently saying "Excuse me," and not "Excuse me grandma," is wrong. Apparently not talking to her about things she cares about is wrong. My grandmother can say anything she likes to me, do anything she wants and I still get the blame. I'm the wrong one. 

Everything she does is okay because "Her mind is bad," Okay, so is mind too. I have a hell of a lot of problems that no one seems to give a fuck about. I just do not see how it's fair that we all have to change our lives and drop everything to help her and no one gives a shit about me. The things that I do, I'm "faking" right? Everything that I have ever done, they act like it never happened.

My dad is pissed because I did not have anything to say about my grandmother. To be honest, I do not think much of her. She is a person who has to have things her way, must control things, stay stuck on one thing, and throw bible quotes at me. However, she is still my grandmother and I love her. Then, on the other-hand, love has never really meant that much to me in the first place. But I care for her, that's important and I still try to be "respectful" and include her in the conversations, I guess it'll never be good enough and I am just sick of attempting to please my family. They don't know that they are only pushing me away.

Friends Wasting Friend's Time

     Recently, my friend was trying to hook me up with random guys. Apparently, everyone thinks that I need a boyfriend these days. There was one guy she had specifically in mind, he's her boyfriend's friend, and she really had her mind set on us two being together. So, I viewed his Facebook profile, (yes, I judge people by there Facebook profile. Certain things say a lot about maturity and personality, I'll talk about this later).
    Anyways, I did not find him attractive, we seemed to have nothing in common. He's not ugly, that is not what I meant by not finding him attractive. It's just I look in his eyes and I see hate, I see so much trouble with him. Not the hot kind of troubled or emo guy. He just wasn't my type anyway.
    Now that it's exams week, its a shorter school day and everyone has the same lunch period, he was there and they were grabbing the guy and making him come by me and I'm being pushed towards him. In-fact, were both being pushed and people were yelling and it just sucked, I was embarrassed and it looked as if it pained him to see me.
     I believe that if he REALLY wanted to talk to me are "be" with me, then he would have BEEN said something to me. I mean he knew of my existence. He knew what they were planning. He's seen me multiple times. He really doesn't like me. I can tell! I am not done. Do not force someone to be with me, I wouldn't even force someone to be with me. Besides, it's wrong. It's not fair.
     Maybe I should get a bit further into why he is not "the guy" for me. Well, first of all, he doesn't walk through the hallways. He lurks. Lurking as in trying not to be seen, like he is dead set on finding something, following something, tracking it down. He has a hunter's spirit.
     He doesn't look depressed, and especially not happy. He looks mad all the time, filled with hate. I don't want to be with someone who looks like they hate me and everything. We have nothing in common it seems and my friend actually had to mention "He does not judge," Which was only said because I am just too different for him. I dont know. I was just, I felt nothing for him, I don't trust him, and he obviously does not like me so neither of us should waist our time.

Do It Again Sometime/Back in Action

     Well, it has been awhile. I have neglected my blog and for what? I honestly cannot think of a reason, or at least one that makes sense. All of my recent post have come from formspring from a guy who I do not know who does not know English.
     Something every writer should remember is that you write. No matter what, I have to write. I have to get it out. I can't just stop because I don't actually have followers. Hell, I just gained one. The other two are my sister (who doesn't use her blog and hasn't for years) and a girl who was my friend but we don't actually talk anymore. So I am counting this as my first follower. If I get more, and if I don't, well that's life. Who cares? As long as I write something and have the balls to post even if I know that someone may never ever read it, I posted. I said something and contributed to the world. Being a writer or a blogger should not be about the amount of followers. Do not judge me by the amount of my followers but by the content of my blog. (I guess, that sounded a lot deeper in my head).
     To be honest, that felt really great to just type something out... and I think that I am going to do it again sometime.

Sweet Dreams, Single Ladies ou Halo ??

Halo I guess?

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O que você precisa para ser feliz hoje? ;)

uh I am very sorry, I literally have no idea what language you are speaking. Therefore, I can't actually answer all of your questions...

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do u have АSК.FM account? i love it, its like formspring but smth new. i would follow you there. ;)

Okay, maybe I'll sign up then :-)

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that was dedric!! i have nothingg against turtles . he doesnt even like google -___-

How can you not like Google? He must like Bing because he's a guy and can take settings off and get full blown porn. I had my search settings off because it was already that way and looked for the picture of the book "princess from another planet" and I dont want to talk about what came up... How can he hate Jesse, he's such a great guy! He actually listens to me unlike you people..

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I Hate turtles .

Turtles hate you too dickbrain lol but they don't really give a care about what you think either . Who is this? It feels like it's either Dedric or Mykie.. Oh well :-)

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throwing skittles at your friends and shouting, "TASTE THE RAINBOW!!!!" <<< lol yu wuld so do thaat .

No, I would never waist Skittles on any of you. Now, I've thrown an M&M at Jordan but I can't remember what I said. But that was years ago and Idk why I remember it.

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lol , that wasnt nice . and meanie bo-beenie<memoriess

In a red bo-kennie? I think that's how you spelled it lol. Lov you mykie, you know I joke all day long.

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have yu ever noticed how blue fb iss ?

Yes, tis immensely blue..

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typing an extremely longg message and/or rambling

That's what us smart people do. I think you lost that touch :-P

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its as easy as taking candy frm a bby xPP

It's sick you sicky sicko. SICKY MC SICKERZ SICKO FACE.

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thats exactly why i stole it!!

You suck mykie, you suck. Taking candy from your little brother...

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"oops, i pulled a jaime" i hve ppl actually saying that now!!! xDDDDDDD

Wait, what? I forgot... How did you pull a Jaime?

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jus keep doin it its hilarious , and if he werent so annoying ..

See, right there, that's exactly why he wouldn't give you any candy.

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he'd tell me no! and keep pressing it!! its awesome lol

Maybe you deserve a no. You do call treat him like a dog and refer to him as "that ankle biter". I wouldn't give you candy either for that and what's in it for me if I press this so called "red button" that apparently I'm not suppose to press but still press/click?

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http://www.arcadeu.com/games/Do-Not-Press-the-Red-Button < awesome . lol

NO! Because if there is a red button, I'm freaking pressing it, NAH!

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and fah me to be stealin my litto brother candyy . smh /.

Sad, just sad. He loves you, maybe you should just ask for the candy? Or admit you have a problem. Maybe you should go to like Candy Anonymous meeting?

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An error occured on fb chat as usual . so um .. yea

Of course...

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COLGATE TOOTHPASTE!!!

With whitening. Don't forget to scrub um with some baking soda afterwards...

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You'd Be Suprised.

Doubt it, lol

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Cant, She's Everybodys "BESTFRIEND" Whatever. But Yea . The Word Will Get Around. People Link This To FB/TWITTER/TUMBLR . So . Let the Bitch Die. Im outt .

Well, she sure as heck isn't mine...

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Oops. Didn't mean to be anonymous. Lol. Somebody sent the exact same thing to me.

I don't know who that is or wtf they are talking about but they need help.

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Im Putting It On Every One's Formspring. All Over Actually. Because Im Definately Sure She Follows You. I Put One In Hers To. So No Sweat. Im Done Here.

Oh okay, well, good luck in life... Hope you find some better people to be around..

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Im Not Talking About You, So There's No Need To.

Okay, good. But still, yeah blasting it on formspring probably won't get the whole word out and it's better not to play a game. How about you tell all of them to eff off and get someone better with a better friend. I could even be your friend I guess but yeah, sorry, blasting that on formspring about some chick probably wont bother her because people who do bad stuff never realize the stuff they do when they see it.

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Im Jus Telling Yu this BC I Hope She See's It &Knows She's Competing With Me In A Game She'll NEVER win. We Used To Be Friends, Then She Became A Bitch . So thanks for your formspring :)

Well, uh she probably won't see it on here because no one is going to follow this page and she won't know or care if she cant see who you are and Idk who you are and why you're putting this on my page but thank-you for saying something, I actually appreciate it.

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Im Jus Telling Yu this BC I Hope She See's It &Knows She's Competing With Me In A Game She'll NEVER win. We Used To Be Friends, Then She Became A Bitch . So thanks for your formspring :)

Okay... Further explain please? I'm lost.

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See, Theres Dis Bitch Rite,&I Guess She Thought She Culd Get 2 Me By Kissing My Currently xBoyfriend. Wht She Didnt Know Was I Never Gave A Flying Shit About Him . So i Laughed like You Kissed My Boyfriend, But I Slept With Yours. Funny Right?

Okay, sweetie what in the world are you talking about? Please care to further explain... I have no idea what you are referring to in this situation...

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BiTCH ;)

And you are referring to me as this why? And why'd you tell the same thing to Kaylin?

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who do lyke??

Who's to say I like anyone at this moment. I don't know anyone that well(currently). But I may possibly find someone interesting at this moment.

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if yhu want mah body && yhu think im sexie come on suga let meh knoee

if you really need me just reach out and touch me come on suga tell me so... I think that's the rest of the lyrics right? Anyways..

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meow

bark?

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The Best Boyfriend That I've Ever Had.

Screw it, I’ll date myself. Open doors for myself, take myself on dates, text myself to see how I’m doing and answer myself back. I’ll actually give a flying - about myself. Psh, best relationship I’ve had yet. :-) Yes, I’m insane, but I'll be the best boyfriend that I've ever had.

nah, the "pew pew! pow pow! mooooo! rawr! (means i love you in dinosaur?) kalib plug ma phone in dumb bitch. hai" one.

Uh, yeah, sure whatever lol

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VV oh, you think so? Lol, you have not yet seen INSANE! xD

Wait is this the person with the skittles thing?

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If you could have the starring role in one movie what would it be?

Blanch (a streetcar named desire) or anything that's horror or that I can be semi-seductive or dramatic. I love that.

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What's your biggest phobia?

Boogers. I have a fear of them. I saw one and got scared and jumped on it. I pushed someone just so I can run. I never pick my nose and I freak out when I see one. I am honestly and seriously afraid of them. Oh and big spiders who look at me. I mean like ones that are like bigger than my fist. (Which in actuality, is the smallest one I've ever seen except for babies.) But boogers, yeah, I feel scared just by typing it.

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What message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?

"When you open this cookie, you gon die trick!"

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pew pew! pow pow! mooooo! rawr! (means i love you in dinosaur?) kalib plug ma phone in dumb bitch. hai!

Eh? Lol. Dude, your insane, dont change!

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Never-mind to the actor dude, I just realized what we were talking about lol. I said break a leg. Sorry, it was a long flight.

tehe, whoever left me that last question, I hope they see this...

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oh. it happens. and yea thanks. but i hope the bone marrow in my legs doesnt detach. lol

Oh, God, what happened? I literally forgot what we were talking about too.

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evenge.. get payback you really dont deserve those skittles. >.<

You mean revenge right? Evenge, would that mean you want to seek revenge for me against someone else? Or maybe you just spelled it wrong. You've officially confused me sir.

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i am an englander. or i am in the play im practicing for. im nervous and trying to connect with the persona of my character.

Oh. Awesome! Well, break a leg. I lost track of which conversation is this.

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I WILL EVENGE YOU.

??? What does that half to do with anything?

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lol, awesome. let me go to the corner store and buy some. be back in a jiff.

Who is this? Who says jiff anymore? (besides me on certain occasions).

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wow, obsessive O-ing is not cool man, not cool. I think, that you should see somebody about that. While doing so, I'll be eating some skittles.

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Hmm, did i imply that? But yes, yes i am. would you like a bidid of bubbly ?

Yes, please kind sir. lol

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i dont need your permission. they will be stolen, not asked for.

Well, the jokes on you because I have no skittles. But, I'll buy some and then, then I shall eat every bite one by one in a plane in the morning sky.

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ha, indeed i am.

So you admit it. Your a dude...

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I WANT MY EFFING SKITTLES! >:[ FRIGG YUR EXX!!!

No thank you, he can frigg himself! Those are my skittles, you cannot have them.

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oh . strange. i happen to enjoy pie myself. 8^D

Your awesome Mr. Stranger Dude!

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si ,.

Thats spanish. And to translate I said "I like pie, do you like pie?" Dont ask why I said that...

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i dont think you understand the concept of i dont care!! im getting those skittles . . and no . its 1:40am where i live.

Where are you then? Who are you then? Why do you want my skittles?! Take him instead! Please spare the skittles!

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did yu jst call me retarded>? o.O

no. if your referring to my french?

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meh: lmao , bringg it . you: At 2am? No thank you. Lol, love you whoever this is. ^^^ wimpp .

Oh, well. I can't bring it at 2am because its probably 3am where you are unless you are currently in Atlanta also. I dont think you understand the concept of 12th ward. That means we shop and drink and do random ish.

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ima txt youu . :)

Okay, I'll attempt to find my phone. Lol, I know where it is. (It's somewhere in this room).

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books = negative affect on my minddd family guy = extremely positive effect on my mindd .

tarte j'aime. Vous aimez à tarte?

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Wimpp .

Aye? What I did?

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kaylinn! i wasnt anonymous that timee. . . O_O

Oh, I feel dumb! Then why it doesn't show names... Sad faces.

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lol, noo that was mee. :)

Who is me? This whole not knowing who the person is gets a tad bit aggravating...

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whats wrong love?

Some people are dicks. Is this the same random person who asks me random stuff or whatever? I must know who this is because sometimes that random stuff makes my day.

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stewie: does yur gf hve a aliby? Brian: um what stewie: do she got a aliby brian: no U-G-L-Y she aint got no aliby she ugly omg no the cow says moo! m = she's majorr ugly o = she's fat and pugly . o = oh my god no the cow says MOO .

Love you too. Read a book, it is so obvious that Family Guy has had a bit of a negative effect on your mind.

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lmao , bringg it .

At 2am? No thank you. Lol, love you whoever this is.

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no , i think i'll take my chances with the skittles . but it'll be when yu least expect it (echo) expect it , expect it , expect it ....

I go all 12th ward over my skittles. When you least expect it, if you continue to mess with my skittles, son, I'll get 9th ward on you.

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lol . i jus might steal ur skittles jus bc yu said tht .

Aww, JUST TAKE JEFFREY INSTEAD! PLEASE! PLEASE, DONT TAKE MY SKITTLES! I BEG YOU SPARE THE SKITTLES, TAKE HIM PLEASE!!!

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oh my god , no the cow says moo .

Wow, we're watching the same thing. Are you watching me? Are you going to still my life, take my husband and kids and go all Lifetime movie on me? I mean, if you wanted my ex , you know you can just come and get him. Just dont take my skittles lol

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JAIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

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uy hit da "or let us ask you some questions!" button'Tuu much qirl ,,,

I know. But there's no one else to talk to and that button makes me feel loved and needed...

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If you could eat dinner with any person, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you go?

My first love, who ever he is, my house, whenever we fix up our back yard. (whenever I find my first love) I'm cooking :-) *Yes, I can cook and pretty well.*

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What was the worst advice you've ever received?

Sit back, everything will fall into place. *Currently there hasn't been any place falling at all what-so-ever. I'm sick of doing nothing.*

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If you could go only to one restaurant for the next five years, which would it be?

Depends on how much money I have for the next five years. If I'm not doing so well, I may go to McDonalds or Burger King. If I'm doing okay, Papa Johns. If I'm fantastic, hello French Quarters! Bubba Gump Shrimp & Co.

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Do you consider yourself a good dancer?

NO! NO! NO! Ha, are you crazy? I don't dance in public because I look like a skank when I dance. So I just sway from side to side.

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If you could instantly become an expert at one style of dance, what style would you pick?

I'm pretty good at belly dancing so I'll want to perfect it. Uhg, or I can go back to ballet if that would make you happy mom.

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If you could be on the cover of any magazine, which would you choose?

Rolling Stones.

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What's the secret to happiness?

That's the dumbest question that you can ever ask me. Hay, how's about when you figure it out give me a call honey bee. Okay, because the best answer I can give you is just be the opposite of me t-:

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Who's the smartest person you know?

Mr. Google Search Box, all so wise you are (Yoda moment), he always has the best advice. Lol.

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If you could go on a road trip with any person, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you go?

Vic Fuentes, where ever he wants...

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Would you rather be a famous musician or a famous actor?

Uhg? I want to choose both but, A famous musician, who does some awesome horror flicks.

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What's the origin of your name?

Jaime, It's supposed to be spanish but mine is suppose to be you know more Frenchie. But somehow the spanish thing is Hebrewish meaning Supplant. The second part is Elizabeth, it's Hebrew and means "God's promise" So since my name is Jaime'ELizabeth and the first part is frenchish my name means "I LOVE GOD'S PROMISE". Wow, that's deep.

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Would you rather own a luxury yacht or a private jet?

Psh, give me a Wal-Mart or a Hot Topic Gift card! I don't care about luxury things like that.

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Would you rather swim in a pool or the ocean?

Can't swim. ;-)

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Who was your first crush?

Jesse. This guy I meet before I started school, his parents were friends with my grandparents and they fixed cars while we played old Nintendo. I haven't seen or heard from him in years.

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Would you rather be really hot or really cold?

Really cold... But I'm only saying this right now because it's Summer time.

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Lets agree to agree we are both insane.

       Don’t know why but whenever I look in his eyes, I become a little frightened. And so far, that’s just from pictures. I wonder how it will all be when I see him in person next year. I think I liked him once. I must have. Don’t know why. Don’t really remember exactly when. But what is even the definition of like? Maybe I just at that time, whatever time it was, found him a bit interesting. He’s creepy now. Something is wrong with him. I feel it deep down in my soul. I find myself literally hold my breath when our paths cross or when he comments on my stuff or tags me. I remember it once being the opposite way. Me commenting on his stuff. Did he once hold his breath as if he was about to jump into a lake as I do? I don’t fear him. For some odd reason I feel he has a secrete and that I cannot trust him. I may never know him. Why is this swimming around in my head. Things like this only happen when I actually do cross paths with someone in the future but I’ve never seen something that is so clear and so blurry. I don’t understand it. I had almost felt an extreme dislike for him once. I remember that almost, almost clearly. I sound insane. I’ve always doubted if I was sane.
Sometimes, I’m just waiting for something to pop up on my computer with him just saying something. Maybe saying he’s, he’s an evil force from beyond the grave or something. Wow, now im laughing at myself. Something usually does pop up soon. Nothing that says something about crap about him being evil. But I don’t think he’s evil. I think something is just wrong with him. Something unnatural. Something is wrong with him. Something that scares me. Something in his eyes you know. I’ll never reveal the identity of this person and if I ever find out there is something wrong, I’ll never tell a soul. So why am I trippin?
It’s like talking to him, he’s odd. If our paths just so happen to cross on the internet it seems as if he fricking hates me. As if I am the evil one. The way he expresses himself through writing it just comes off as he thinks that I am just this young, naive child, as if I am beneath him and he is superior. Then the next second he’s acting all like he could almost be my friend or as if he is checking for potential in me or at the least sees some potential in me. For what exactly? I have no idea. It’s confusing. I never fully understand what exactly his motive is. I want to figure it out. Sometimes I feel like it’s a long chess game that we are playing. And its always out of the blue, he sneaks up and he’s there. Watching taunting. Saying something, something that aggravates me. As if he’ll give me what seems to be kindness up until this point where he just up and decides that he wont be nice anymore. As if he will be mean. As so I thought it was random. But I had discovered a pattern as to where I could pin-point exactly where he would say something and what it might be. I sound insane. Oh how I wish I could show you the proof but it is long gone, lost deep in my records. Hidden. And besides, I cannot show you without exposing everything. I cannot further show such embarrassments. I can only explain or more like summarize it.  One day however, he will find out that I am on to it. Those eyes cannot cause me to listen any longer. I only see deception in it now and I refuse to let him get to me ever again. He describes himself as smart and victorious. Ha, more like young and naive. Never shall he get to me again and I have done pretty well myself as for getting the attention and then shutting all of his tactics down. I wont be please until I find out what his issues is.

He rocks in the treetops all day long, Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' his song. All the little birds on J-Bird Street, Love to hear the robin go tweet, tweet, tweet.

Lol, so that's what you were talking about. Who is this. You seriously made my day. I haven't smiled in a long while.

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its obvious yhu lykee him && hes talkinq 2 her whut chu gonna do???

Okay, I currently don't know any guys well enough to actually like them. And the ones I actually do know, I'm not currently interested in them (no offense to those guys). And the whole who ever is talking to whoever, I can't control who talks to who nor do I want to. What I am going to do is be myself. I don't compete if that's what you were getting at so Nice Day.

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tweet tweet twiddly deet .

deet deet twiddly tweet tweet? Lol.

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wwho dht guy yhu b talkinn 2 on heree????

1). What guy 2). What cave did you crawl out of? Speak English next time lol.

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Death of a Stranger.

               It's funny how life works. That one person you see everyday and never talk to will be gone the next and you'd be surprised how much of a life they had before it was taken away. I see this dude walking down the street everyday and at all the football games. I knew nothing about him. I would've road the bus with him this incoming school year if he was alive. It's crazy you know. Never held a conversation with him. Never knew he was my close cousin's best friend. Never knew I knew so many of his friends. Never knew a girl who I met in 3rd grade and knew all this time became his girl-friend 5days ago. I never knew I've been holding a conversation with his cousin almost everyday on Facebook. Never really knew his name. It's crazy. I could swear I saw him walking hours ago. I think he's the third kid from our high school to die this year. One girl a bad car accident and him, heart - attack. He was on the basket-ball team. He was tall as the mountains (which I've never seen before). He seemed nice. I read all this stuff about how he was there for people when they needed him and that he was so full of life. That he was just at someone's house yesterday. Hell, I could swear I just saw him walking looking so cold a few hours ago. He looked odd. He looked different. Barely recognized him. I wish he was still here, alive. Not for my sake but for his friends and family. I wish his heart at this very moment could you know, just jump start to life and that he would just run outside and go play basketball or go to a party at least one last time. I mean that had to have happened so quick. I want him to be right there walking in the street with his friends so I can scream at my dad who's driving like a maniac to slow down before he runs him over. I always had a little wonder of how the life of a stranger on the street, what it was like. I think I finally got a look now. And I just wish he was alive now because all the people that I do know are super sad. Sadder than I normally am. When school starts, we're going to hear maybe a speech or two dedicate to him, it's a small town maybe something on the regular channels and on the Fourth of July gathering at West Bridge Park. I'm just imagining how sad everyone is going to be. And the crazy thing is, it seems he was always the one to stop all these other people's sadness. I remember seeing him joke a lot too. I remembered that yesterday. Never occurred to me why I remembered it. The dude he just seemed so full of life and it's a small world. You never know how you could somehow be connect on a web to a stranger. A friend of a couple of friends. You know it seems it's always the people who seem so full of life who lose it ever so quickly. It's a shame. It seems it's always the nicest ones, the ones with the closest families. The ones with so many friends, the ones who seems so many people depend on. It's insane, it makes me think even more about the strangers on the street. He has the same last name as one of my cousins you know, he could've even been related to me. Never thought of that. Probably not. Never know. Rest in Peace D. Alexander. It's obvious you were missed by so many before you even took that last breath.

What was the worst movie you've ever seen?

FOOTLOOSE! I HATE HATE HATE FOOTLOOSE! When we did it for Beta, I was doing the darn dances in my sleep. And the movie was boring, I thought I would die if I didn't pluck my eyes out first. I watched it so I can be informed on the dances and the stuff we were doing. Studying movies are evil. I'll take the textbook! <--Rambling

ask away,

If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?

Myself. I don't see anyone on a higher level at this moment. I suck, you suck lets agree we all suck and stay in our own bodies. Okay, love you.

ask away,

What's your dream car?

Black Convertible Beatle, leather seats. I will cherish it for my entire life (whenever I get it).

ask away,

What's your favorite type of flower?

I like roses. The ones that are white, black, dark red, peachy, whatever. And I think I like daisies.

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If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

Cancer. You know what, any type of disease

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How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

In-Describe-Able t-:

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What's the best gift you've ever given?

The gift of a friend :-) Ha, NOT, just kidding, I love my friends

ask away,

What did you dream about last night?

Well, I "imagined me and you, I do, I think about you day and night, it's only right to think about the one you love and hold um tight so happy together!" No not really, It was just black and dark and then I woke up... I haven't really been sleeping lately.

ask away,

If you had the opportunity to live one year of your life over again, which year would you choose?

They all suck to tell you the truth. But I'd say last year, some of the people and stuff that I dealt with really messed me up and I feel I messed up a lot last year on grades and I got rid of all the villains a little too late. I wish I would've listened to my teachers about stuff like that earlier.

ask away,

If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?

W-O-O-D-S-T-O-C-K!

ask away,

What celebrity would play you in a movie about your life?

I have no idea. Whoever they can find at an insane asylum. Don't know. You tell me.

ask away,

Who do you think should be the next president of the United States?

Sarah McLachlan, she's going to come up there in the middle of the campaign with injured little puppies and kittens and sing that song and break us down with tears and we'll all cry as we cast the vote.

ask away,

Are you more of a talker or more of a listener?

Didn't I just answer this question?

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What was your worst travel experience?

Okay, Alabama in 7th grade, evacuation for Gustav, drowning in a pool, no one came to help me... Long story of how I ended up saving myself and have water issues now..

ask away,

Who's the funniest person you know?

My dad, he makes no sense half the time and can't speak English that well. Yes, that maybe a little sick but he also tells some very corny jokes that literally make no sense... I love my family.

ask away,

What's your favorite genre of music?

I'm tied between just about all rock and alternative along with bluesy type stuff. But I'm cool listening to other types of music.

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Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?

Committed. Dating a whole bunch of people would just cause a lot of drama for me. That's too hard, when I like somebody and we start dating and all that, I'm focusing on that relationship and only think of that guy as being more than my friend. But maybe that's just me and how my brain works...

ask away,

Are you more of a talker or more of a listener?

Well, on computer, I'm more of a typer because I can't help but put too much. BUT, I read all that the person responds to me with. In real life, I'm a listener.

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Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

Nope.

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lol , whevs . the next stepp behind second ... kk ?!

What's the point Myka? But honestly, I think you should google it. I think it may be a millisecond? I have no idea right now because I'm listening to Chris Crocker and I can't think when he is singing...

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lol , i knw right ?! i even got the year and minute and second , and the othr thingg thts smaller then a second .. (microsecond?!) but yea ohkay . im dne .

Microsecond? I would've went with milli or go all Zenon on you and say nano.

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its Pi !

??? Lol, eh Point?

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ahem , thats pi day ( duhhh!!! )

See it was cute when our pre-algebra teacher did that in class because you guys got pie. Probably the highlight of the year. No, lol the other thing was, Ha! Anyways, see when you say stuff like that, it isn't adorable. It's just, you made more progress than that Myka. I am immensely disappointed in you. I'm kidding Look at Mykie doing creative things, oh, HIGH FIVE! lol

ask away,

march 14 , 2015 9:27:53 will be and awesome day xD

And you know this how? What is it anyway?

ask away,

1.. 2.. 3 .. what comes aftr 3 ?!

The same things as your report card, all D's! Lol, I'm sure there's an F on there. Just kidding, love you!

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a .. b.. c.. wht comes aftr c ?!

UH? Uh? uh... 3.1415927535897?

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are yu crushing on someone right now ?! [ lmao )

Not really currently, but if any nice guys out there want to step up and you know talk to me or whatever, you know how to find me lol.

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Do you believe in God?

Yes.

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If you could become any fictional character, who would you be?

Bella, so I can choose Jacob.

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im sure i knw wht im tlkn bout . i give up tho . yu winn .

Yay!

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no one knws who made it up . its a random game . thts like askin who made "pattycake" up or "numberss" .

Oh, well, I thought it was something someone made up. Half the time I make up random stuff and make up rules to where only I can win. *evil laugh*. The tree game? I still have no freaking idea what that is lol! Are you sure you know what you're talking about? Or maybe I just dont remember.

ask away,

How would you describe your style?

What ever I feel is right or that expresses how I feel. Mostly dark colored, tight skinnies, netted tights with shorts. Band tee-shirts, odd stuff.

ask away,

If you could ask Barack Obama one question what would it be?

I would ask him to add me on Facebook. So when he puts something like "Just made a peace treat with a random country, and baked a pie" and I'd be like "like" and I'll be like dude, Barack Obama just added me on facebook on my status and he'd be all hey, you tagged me "like"...

ask away,

If you could instantly become fluent in another language, which language would you pick?

Creole or French. I want to live in France someday.

ask away,

If you had the opportunity to live one year of your life over again, which year would you choose?

Last year, but I much rather just move on from the mistakes. Most of them were fixed. Except the important ones.

ask away,

What was your favorite year?

What ever year I find love. (Obviously, no favorite year yet)

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OMFG , we played it in the car on the way to yur gmaws house!!!

I know! You told me that already. But who made it up? It sounds insane..

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THE EFFIN TREE GAME!!!! example , tree bark dog animal zoo elephant trunk , etc!!!

That doesn't make a bit of sense mykie! Who came up with that bull?

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WHY THE HELL DONT YU REMEMBER THE TREE GAME ?!

I don't know why? Huh, may because it was over a year ago. Can you please describe to me this "tree game" that you speak of? lol

ask away,

do random ppl tlk 2 u on fb ?!

Yep, your one of them. I wish more random people would talk to me on Facebook tho.

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hi . this is a question . lol . im funny .

Haha, who is this?

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Would you rather be a zombie or a mummy?

Zombie, then I can dance freakishly awesome with Michael Jackson.

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whaa happen 2 u n jeffry?

Tell me who this is first and you'll get your answer with your next question :-)

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Would you rather have the ability to fly, or the ability to breathe underwater?

Surprisingly fly, and that's odd if you knew my newly developed phobia dealing with water.

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If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never had to do it again, what would it be?

Step outside of the shower and gasp for air because I think that thing is trying to kill me there's literally no air in the bathroom!

ask away,

Do you believe in fate?

Yeah, a little.

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How many languages do you speak?

I speak a little Creole but not that much because they haven't taught me that much. I guess they didn't think it was important for me to express my culture...

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What would your dream job look like?

As long as I can help people and make a good change in someone's life, that's probably what I want to spend my life doing.

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If you could be on one TV show which one would it be?

Gossip Girl.

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What 3 things do you think will become obsolete in the next ten years?

heterosexuality, anything that you have to actually move yourself, Non-3D movies.

ask away,

r yhu single?

Yep :-)

ask away,

I miss being friends, ]: I wanna fix this. I knoe it's gonna take time & thaat we're not gonna go straight bak into being biffles, but can't we at least try to be friends again? Please? :/

We can be civil, but I honestly dont think we can be friends again like that.

ask away,

Poem, I wrote awhile ago...

The Good and Myself


Thinking of thinking was thinking of you Thinking that thinking would make you think of me too Living with living I just couldn't live for you Living with life hoping you'd understand and yet, You never came through Loving with loving and longing for love was only a myth Loving that believing in love was absolutely pointless Growing with the growth and developing understanding Growing with the growing of a whole new idea of life made me a little less demanding Pleased with being unpleased I had learned then Pleasing others without myself being pleased I could not win Letting go and releasing it all Letting go, I was ever so proud to fall Thinking of not thinking brings me peace Living knowing that I am dead, therefore not living, I feel from my trap I am released Loving that love is only a state of mind I didn't believe in however, I hear it takes time Growing until I grew a dark state yet I am just fine How pleasing to please only yourself In letting go, I had left behind the people for only the good and myself.

I want to get a flat stomach, NOT GAIN 20 MORE POUNDS MOM!

I desperately want a flat stomach. I’d be content with the shape of my body. I just really want one. I’d fit into clothes better and you know what, I wouldn’t be asked when my baby is due if my tummy was flat. Btw, I’m abstinent and going into high school so yeah, dumb question. Not there I care about their opinion like that, it's just aggravating being hassled like that and it looks so bad.Anyways, where I’m going with this, I cant exercise because of the accident so all of my plans of trying to get a flat stomach went out the door before Summer even came. That woman changed a lot of my plans when she hit us. And you know what, it really doesn’t help with my mother stacking this house up with candy and mostly, chocolate. That fricking sucks! Can’t work out, can’t be healthy. I wanted banana chips and I can’t have them because she said 2.88 is too much. Uh, its healthy, tastes good, I want it and since when do we have money for all this candy. I’m miserable, lonely, no one to talk to this Summer, boyfriend is M.I.A., I’m gaining wait instead of losing, and my best friend is the status box on Facebook and the candy in the fridge that I’m getting sick off of because I am allergic to milk and before that I keep having this uncontrollable urge to puke and I feel sick and depressed. Uhg, I HATE SUMMER! It’s hot, boring and depressing. Why did we move to the country? There’s nothing to do!

Death, Lies, etc. No one ever reads this anyway. No one listens for a cry of help they just laugh and mock it...

      I don’t want to live like this anymore. I dont even know how to make it better.I don’t want to be depressed and unhappy and just so sick. I don’t want to lie about who I am on the inside. I don’t want to fake like I didn’t cry myself to sleep the other night and hurry to close my eyes and wipe them before my mother walks in the door because I don’t feel like hearing her tell me everything is all in my mind and that there is nothing wrong with me. I know I’m not normal. I know that I need help and denying me of help is making me get worst everyday. If acting like problems don’t exist and talking to me like I am a liar and making stuff up, if that’s how its going to be, then that will lead it to the end. I cant take this anymore. All of this all of everything. Feeling so lonely feeling so misunderstood. You never know how a person feels until you have felt it and you will never feel this. You can never feel this. You have no idea how I feel so stop saying you know because it doesn’t help. Shut up and listen for five seconds! No one ever shuts up and listens. And I’m tired of everyone. They only come to locked doors. I didn’t lock my door, you did. You caused me to shut all of you out the way you shut me out. The way you wouldn’t listen to me. All of them. All of those who leave and didn’t care and then when you see a break down you want to come back. You only want entertainment from me. You only want a show. You all ignored me and pushed me away and you come back to find out what is wrong and tell me it’ll be okay. That life will go on. That life is beautiful. Life is over for me. I’m death. Why can you see that. Why can you understand that. You all left me and I feel into a dark and lonely trance where the only ones who talk to me is whatever the heck is in my mind. If you love people you wont leave them behind. You don’t trick them and use them and only come back when you see that there is entertainment. So why am I posting this to a blog? Because no one ever reads it. And when I ask for someone to read it, they never read it. So no one will ever read this and I can pour whatever piece of my heart left into some paragraphs and it’ll be ignored just as the person who wrote it. I’m depressed. They all know I am. I’m so tired of faking it. All I want to do is sit in a dark corner and cry or lay in a ball on my bed and cry and occasionally scream. I have no one there for me. I can scream for help and no one will come. No one will ever come. There is no one out there who actually cares about the way I’m feeling and if some how there was, I don’t think that they could even attempt to even try to understand. I just scare them off anyway. Why do I attempt to lower the amount of ridicule? Is that human nature? Am I even human? They treat me as if I’m an experiment gone wrong. To walk into class, at school where I am suppose to be safe and to hear them whisper about something they have no proof of knowing I did. To always be asked for scissors or a sharp object because “I do stuff like that” and then sometimes they don’t even try to hint it they just scream at me that I am a cutter or that I am emo or goth or that I’m suicidal or that I’m a potential murder. Those things are mean. I never told anyone anything even close to that except for I tell them that I am not gothic and I tell them just call me emo then if its that serious. Just because I’m not another prep on the cheerleading team a lot of them made a point to tell me that I didn’t belong there and also make me feel that way. I hate middle school. I felt so alone. I go home and I feel alone. I go on the computer and I feel alone. Only place when I am not alone is the rare occasion in my dreams. That’s why I sleep late. And I dislike them even more from waking me up from my one piece of anything close to happiness. I don’t even want to wake up in the morning anymore. I have no problem with just sitting there and crying with my door locked so no one comes in there to catch me. I have no problem running in the bathroom and crying on the floor. I’ve been doing it for years as my depression increases. I’ve only been caught a few times. I’m just super miserable okay. I’m tired of hiding it. I’m not bitter and I’m not mean because I don’t want to laugh at your cruel jokes. You think I’m happy, turn around in class and look at my tears. I hate school but I hate home more. And I cant wait for summer to be over so I cant get the hell out of this hell hole! I’m sick. I have to stop myself from puking every five seconds. I hate eating. I don’t want to eat anymore. I hate food. I hate everything. All I want is a distraction. If I have to watch tv all day and be on facebook to make myself forget my life for awhile and to distract myself from my problems, let me do it so I don’t have to keep snapping but its not like you can stop me from snapping. I lost control of myself so long ago. I lost myself so long ago. I don’t know who I am anymore. Who ever I was long ago, that happy, perky, child she’s dead. I put her out of her lying misery. I don’t know where she went but she’s dead and she is never coming back. I don’t know if that was Jaime or someone else but she is dead and gone. Call me crazy call me insane but it’s the truth that no one ever wants to hear…

I want to LEARN at School and have my teachers TEACH me useful lessons!

I’ve never really given any thought about who I would be. In fact, I honestly never thought I’d live to see 14. Deep down inside I’ve always felt confused about who I am and who I want to be. People say that you shouldn’t think so hard on the future at such a long age but I don’t want to waist anytime when the future really does come. I don’t want to be just getting out of high school and wondering what am I going to do with my life and then realize I didn’t prepare myself at anytime during my high school years. I also don’t want to wake up one day and realize I worked so hard on something at school and don’t do it or have all this meaningless stuff I did. Others say oh, just work on having fun in high school. Things I want to do, I cant do. Things that make me happy, I cant do that either. So what the hell am I suppose to do in high school? Oh yeah, that’s right, go get an education and prepare yourself. Prepare myself for what? What is school really for? All this time in school that I have spent no one has really helped us prepare for life! All they ever do is prepare s for the dang LEAP/iLeap! Those test are just about over now! So why would I think that they would prepare me for life in high school? We’re probably going to spend each year studying for the E.O.C(end of course exam, basically like the Leap test but usually on computers.) and then maybe some A.C.T practice. Yes, that’s nice. We spent all that time on that, but what if we fail, what if we didn’t succeed? Does that mean the teachers didn’t do their job or that we didn’t do ours? Does that mean that we are a failure? Four years spent preparing us for this and only this, and we don’t even do that well? Then what? Does our life stop there? It cant!
From the time I actually starting going to real school, all they ever did was try to teach us to pass the fourth grade Leap. Fifth grade all through middle school, focus on passing that 8th grade Leap everybody. But what about the test? Get a bad grade, “oh, well, I hope you do better on the Leap. This wont fly on the Leap.” That dreading, horrific acranim, I hate the LEAP! I think we should just get rid of it you know? We focus so much on it and its such a big deal, it freaks us all out! Teachers at some schools even risk their jobs and sneak giving the kids answers to the test so they could pass, its just that big of a deal and half the test doesn’t even make sense!
Yes, I am worrying a little about high school. Especially college. Even more so when I get an adult life. I cant even picture myself that far. I never really could have. My time limit of thinking of the future goes from Leap test to Leap test.
They never taught us social skills, it doesn’t help for them to force us never to talk in the halls from the day we were first enrolled all the way up to 8th grade. They never really taught us how to act. All they ever did was tell us that we were the worst this grade level has ever had. (Oh, I bet you tell that to all your students, but thanks.) They always say what we do is wrong, our grades aren’t high enough, our eating habits aren’t good enough our grammar is wrong, spelling wrong, this paper is wrong, the way we talk wrong, the way we treat each other is wrong, we don’t respect ourselves, we don’t know how to multitask, we didn’t do the paper right so no credit, your unorganized, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on and ON!
Teachers should teach us more than how to score high on the Leap because apparently, we cant do that either. I think that they should get rid of that useless computer class that teaches us crap on Microsoft Word from like what 93-2003 because uh hello, Today, WINDOWS ANYTHING LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THAT AND WORKS DIFFERENTLY! I think that instead of the 90 minute block for English/Language Arts and Math and the 45 for Science and Social Studies (which teaches us nothing on being Social really.) I think that we should have A and B days kind of like in high school were we have two of the core subjects and they are both really long periods of time like the first half of the day. That way we can focus more and learn more, plus, we can actually teach concepts and learn the concepts and most importantly understand the concepts. Especially in Language Arts so kids can know those were way two many ands in that last sentence. We all fail Science big time. Don’t just give us some crap that we don’t understand and expect us to automatically know what to do. Explain it! Maybe give us useful “exploratory classes” were we you know, can explore. Like a REAL interactive health class. Tell us why we should stay healthy instead of just to be healthy. Explain moderation instead of taking away the snacks we loved so much and needed because not all of us can eat the cafateria food. AND ST. CHARLES PARISH, NOT ALL OF US CAN EAT CHEESE AND THOES EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF IT IS UNHEALTHY AND FATTING! Then in P.E. make exercising and sports fun! If the kid doesn’t like sports or have bad nerves such as people like, uh, I don’t know myself, let them run around or jog at a nice pace around the school yard, gym, wherever you are at that moment with some friends. Its fun and healthy! We don’t respect or bodies and too many of middle schoolers are having sex, doing hand jobs, blow jobs, getting pregnant, etc. How about giving us a health class because these kids don’t use protection all the time, and probably don’t put the condoms on right. They also are not very well educated on STDs and sexual health. Its worst to have us be dumb and have sex. They should teach not force abstinence and then explain to them what can happen from sex and especially tell them that if you decide to have sex then how to be safe. Like I said, in every subject some teachers are beginning to force and not teach. And btw, teach kids that if they decide to have sex, the school’s bathroom is probably not the best place. Also, teach us about our bodies and the feelings that we have. There are things in the vagina and I never knew that they were there and I am sure that a lot of these kids don’t know everything about their body parts and I KNOW that they should! We have the right to know how things work down there.
Behavior, you always complain about it, but you never teach us how to deal with ourselves or how to behave and we are not going to be angels when you talk to us like demons. Stop treating us like we are in prison if you don’t want us to end up there. Maybe teach us proper etiquette and also teach us social skills. You’ll need that for college, for any type of interview. Don’t just force the kid from Spain, South America, Central America to learn English but teach us Americans how to speak Spanish too. Not all schools have that. Teach us more about how to respect ourself and others and learn what to say and not to say. I don’t mean brain wash us like they sometimes do but I mean teach them not to make random racial slurs or hurtful or just downright stupid things especially not to say them all out loud in public, yelling it. We all need a little anger management and you cant leave all this stuff up to the parents. They can only teach them so much. You maybe wondering how can we squeeze all this in a day well think about it.

A/B Days
Around 7:10 School starts
7:15-8:00 homeroom-social time, catch up on work study etc, that’s what it should be for
8(:05)-9:30 Math or Ela
9:30(:35)-11 Science or Social Studies
*you can switch the order of the core classes up too*
11-12 lunch/wind down, recess
12(:05)-1 exploratory-health, p/e, behavior studies
1(:05)-2 exploratory-music, anything else etc or switch the order around

See that’s like what six or seven hours of school and you can get all that accomplished. Its productive, stress free, gives you enough time to learn and just soak it all in and also to be social. Being social is a big part of life. Believe it or not, you actually need to know people and how to talk to them and how to behave with other human beings. Wow, and maybe you can throw in a extra hour for “LEAP” practice if it’s all that serious. So over the summer, may someone should check the lesson plans and I don’t know, add some real lessons so kids don’t loose their minds like me or later be among the large number of a adults who don’t know how to be adults and/or function in the real world because I’m confused even with my mommy there J.

Social Project, Need the Answer of All the GUYS

If it sounds a little crazy, this is the message I sent to like a 100+ guys on facebook

       I've been trying to get this project ready for a year now but never really knew what I was doing or had the time. Many of you may have heard of the Vh1 special, "Undateable", if not it's basically about all the things that guys do that makes women not want to date them. Honestly, I think that if a guy is the way he is, he probably won't change himself too much.
      Okay, what's the point of this project? Well, I want to know what GIRLS do to make GUYS not want to date them. Certain things as how they dress, what to do on a first date, any date, what not to do on any date, etc. Everything and anything that would make you or any other guy not want to date a girl and most importantly WHY. Be serious, make jokes, be funny, it doesn't matter. I'm asking this and it's not a must. I just think that these facts should just get out there. Thank you for reading and your participation.


Comment or message me your answers on Myspace www.myspace.com/jaimeelizabethjohnston or facebook, just search Jaime'Elizabeth Johnston or Twitter it @JaiLiz

The Road I've Taken (Well, the one I will)

I thought I understood Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken". It popped up into my head when I read a recent status of a person who is, well it's pretty hard to explain who this chick is but she has never been a great person to me since what, 5th grade? Anyways, so after reading this Myspace status, I clicked on her page and the results of it was, well, not too satisfying. I felt I had two choices.
The choices are similar because they deal with all three of us but different because they will of course have different effects.” Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both," is how Frost starts this classic poem. I know that I can never do both choices. They start off on the same path but something is dividing it. Something, something noticeable. Something that you just can't walk through and basically do both, but have to just choose.
"And be one traveler, long I stood, And looked down one as far as I could, To where it bent in the undergrowth;" Right now, I am the only one who knows this problem at this moment in my head. I just sat there, looking, reading and rereading and thinking. I sat and thought about where both paths would lead me to and which one is greater or better than the other.
"Then took the other, as just as fair, and having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same," Each choice seems to have the same ending of unhappiness. Could the ending really be two different endings? If so which would be better, they, from what I imagine, both suck and are the same. The end would be well, the end of us.
"And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back" In the morning, Monday morning I mean, I will have my decision made already. That is exactly when I will chose my path and walk down it. However, I don’t think I can save the other except for in a memory. Maybe I can walk down it the next time around because at this moment, I doubt that I will ever be able to return to where it first started.
"I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence:" If I make a mistake with this and it causes such trouble or if this made a big difference in my life, I know I'm going to tell someone along this path whether it helped or not. That's what mistakes are for. I'd probably even blog on it. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." Maybe, confrontation is the on less traveled by. Maybe that will make all the difference. Maybe it is the right way to go. But I am unsure like the rest of the world how this poem ends. What did he mean? Is he happy with his choice or not? Will I be happy with my choice or not? Is he sighing of sadness or is it a good sigh of looking back and reminiscing? If I make this choice, will I know the true feeling at the end of this poem? Is this poem from experience or just a silly, clever little thought in mind of Mr. Robert Frost? I've always been told that I am just a silly little girl. Will I make a silly mistake or have a clever experience? Will I have a good outcome? I'll just let what little piece of my heart I have left to guide me on what to do tomorrow. I'll take the road less traveled. The road that will rest my heart and that, that will make all of the difference for me...

HERO-->noun, a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

I think sometimes, we expect a hero to come along and just pick you up and swing you around. The one person you can count on to always acknowledge you that you are there. Or at least not to pass you by.
I think sometimes we expect our boyfriends/girlfriends to be out heroes. We think because we like someone, and that they say they like you back, I guess we just think oh, they have no downfalls. We believe that they can change anything and that they can turn off all the bad things in their head. They can’t. Everyone has a kryptonite. Everyone has their demons. I’ve never known that to be an excuse.
From the youngest age, especially us girls, we have been brainwashed into thinking a prince is going to come. We think that there will always be someone to save us and at-least hold the door open. That you when you walk out that door he holds open, there’s a brick road and your surround by the most beautiful of flowers. That you’re the only girl in the world at that moment with them. That every second is suppose to feel like summertime. I wish my mother didn’t brain wash me. I wish she would have never told me stories about Prince Charming and knights in shinning armor. Come to think of it, every story he has a new girl. Is it that important to be a princess? Is it so important that you would give up all your sense to become a princess even if your not his only girl?
No, I rather be a peasant than one of many of the prince’s girls.
To be honest, I don’t even know exactly what I am getting at anymore. Maybe sometimes we look for our heroes. Maybe our heroes should find us. Maybe we should wait for our hero to come. Someone a little older and much stronger mentally and physically.
If your “hero” was a flirt before you came along, don’t ever think that you can change that. If in the past, your hero cheated or if you see with your own eyes and everyone else in the world sees he’s all over some other girl and your supposed friend (fake a** friend) and if you were stupid enough to think that that was going to change ever and never escalate, then something is wrong with you. Everyone, I mean every last person on this Earth has a kryptonite. Some alcohol, some drugs, some can actually be just girls in general, or just one person. The person who I expected to be my hero, his weakness I guess is just girls.
To anyone reading this, if someone ever reads this, I am not saying your kryptonite is an excuse to do what ever you want. That would be bull. Just think, would you scream at Superman for failing to save you? Aquaman didn’t save me when I was drowning. Batman was never there when I fall. I fall so often too. If you were hit by a car, I bit Edward Cullen didn’t run out there to push it out of the way. My foot just fell asleep. Footman isn’t coming is he? (Whoever that is, I don’t know a footman, my foot just fell asleep.)
I don’t want to deal with this. I’m too young for the drama I go through everyday of my life. I have my own problems and I don’t need people adding to them. I don’t know exactly how to go about solving this problem to be honest.  I don’t know where to go from here. I wish all problems could come to an easy end.
Right now, I don’t think I need a hero. I’ve saved myself and others too many times before. I can be my own hero. If the everyday ones even exist. Unstable people like me, I guess, we get more tricked into thinking that we need one. I guess all along, all I’ve been looking for is just a distraction from my problems. I had one for a minute and I lost one. All of it piled back on me because there was nothing to distract me and I couldn’t take it. If this is all lost, its nothing to cry over or be angry for but, I am going to allow myself to be disappointed for not more than a day. So if heroes do exist, and mine comes a long, that’ll be, well, indescribable.

Crush and Get CRUSHED

     I don't understand it. I don't like him anymore and haven't for awhile. It's just he just out of the blue starts talking to me and I sometimes talk back. Sometimes even on something as stupid and senseless as a facebook status get me talking to him again. I always forget how much we have in common. It's so much it is pretty much ridiculous. The other day when my friend came back and told me that he said he liked me and whatever that bull was, I did make it seem as if I didn't care. And I didn't. Until deep down inside, something inside of me, I guess I just thought that maybe someone on this Earth actually liked me for who I was. I asked again later if she was telling me the truth, she told me she was joking and laughed so hard. That's another thing. I have recently noticed and yet again this year that some of these so called friends of mine are not real.

      Maybe, the thought of someone liking me made me excited in the inside. So I commented on one of his stupid statuses because it was my exact opioion everything and he immediately replied. I don’t really know right now - exactly how I feel about that. It doesn’t excite me at this moment. 

      We’ll be in the middle of this conversation seeing eye to eye. This strong understanding as if we get each other and then boom, he’s gone, no reply, logged off, gone. I learned by the third time to just not even get myself worked up over even talking to him but sometimes I cant help but to reply. Maybe I’m a crazy person. Sometimes after he replies and I am the last to talk, I just delete what I said and then act as if he was the one who talked last and that I am done with him and that he’s the one all bleh with me. I wish it was that way. It may be best to just delete him. I thought I really liked him. That was dumb. I almost cried when I found out he had a girlfriend. I don’t talk all flirty nice to him after I found that out. I felt guilty. If I ever had a real boyfriend, I’d feel so bad if he’s talking to this girl all day who he has a lot of stuff in common with and I didn’t know. I felt odd. So I added her and stop talking to him as much.

     I don’t think I really like him anymore. I mean when you come to terms with reality, it’s really all just a crush. How much do you know about someone from a face book profile and a few stupid, little conversations. Someone who is a grade ahead of me and super-duper smart who I will probably never see. For all I know, he may not even like me at all what-so-ever. He probably never will. It’s so stupid of me to like someone. Every time I feel, and start to show actual literal emotions, it blows up and it all goes wrong. Yeah, maybe I’m dramatic or maybe, I should just be alone and not like anyone for a very long time. I hate to speak death to myself but I always felt I would die alone, ever since I was little and no chain of events has proven otherwise to me. I either have gotten a terrible person or no one at all. Personally, I rather be unhappy alone then unhappy with someone who constantly makes me unhappy or have a guy who makes me cry all the time. No I’m never doing that again. Call me crazy if you want. I rather be single than stupid…

"Friday, I'm in Love!"

     Yesterday, on the way to school, my mother was driving over the tracks to get to the other side and this elderly woman in a car, she slowed at the stop sign then when we were coming down she speed up very quickly and we collided. It happened so fast. My mother and I had on seat belts. However, the woman didn't. She ended up moving to the passagener side, falling down. I screamed as my mom got out of the car, "Go check on her" and then I dialed 911.
    She was already checking on her, my mother asked her if she was alright then she told her to back up some to get out the side to wait for the cops. The woman hurries away because the car was in motion the whole time. My mom tells her that she cannot leave, it's a crime. She then tells my mother "Oh yes I can!" and she speeds off like there was no tommorrow. I was telling the really nice operator lady what happened. My nerves were so bad and I couldn't help but cry. I just wanted to go to school and visit Musee' Conti in the French Quaters with my fellow classmates then pick up trash for our community the next day at the trash bash. I was looking forward to that.
   One lady passes by us and looks at us stupid. Another checks on us and finally the cops came. I was so disturbed and upset not to mention late for school. So they asked us what happend and then three cop cars showed up and they were looking for the woman. Thank God we have her liscene plate number. They asked me for my name and etc.
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    So after the feildtrip to the wax musem, our eight-grade class went to Sicily's. Nothing good to eat so I had some Crawfish Et Tuffe` I think it's spelled. Even though I am Creole, I cannot spell in French, Creole, and especially not in English. That was pretty good, i had two bowls. My friend, you know the one dating my ex, and texting him on Freddie's phone, yeah another story, she tells me that it was the best Friday ever. I look at her and there was so many things I could say about that statement. But that's a whole-nother blog. So I just say something probably sarastic that I cannot really remember right now..
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    After that, I get on the bus, get half way home, then we all have to go back to school because supposedly two chicks were about to fight. All I remember was them fussing at eachother back and forward one in seat 20 something and the other in seat 3 and across the isle. I honostly do not recall people saying anything about fighting like physical. But whatever. When I finally get home, my dad takes my mother and me to the doctor. Our backs hurt and our necks along with my head.
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    So we are in the waiting room at three. We wait there until five, well pass five. They then put us in another waiting room. The doctor finally comes in and checks us. Nothing big. So then, then they put us in another, yes another waiting room. It's past 8pm now. Another doctor comes to do some x-rays and gets my mother first. I end up crying from being in the small rooms so long, the pain, hunger, lack of music, and the worst basketball game being on. Then this angel looking doctor comes and I hurry and stop crying. He takes me to the back for the x-rays and while doing this, this guy in scrubs is on the floor saying "Eh girl, whats up with you, say girl let me holla at you! Say girl! Eh girl!" and I get annoyed and a little disturbed. The doctor kind of looks at him odd. The doctor keeps calling me honey, baby, dollface, etc. Random right? Then he asks my age and I'm like 13. He's asks about the accident and a bunch of stuff. I couldn't really look him in the face. He was beautiful. Not hot like yeah take off your shirt but he was beautiful. He looked like an angel.
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   We finally leave at 9:22pm. Now remember we arrived there at 3pm. We go get some chicken for some odd reason at Churches. We are in that line 10 minutes. I finally get home tired, hungry, in pain, and just downright aggravated. This was a totally freaking awesome Friday eh? So awesome Im in love...

I am a girl, HERE ME ROAR!

Hello world. I am a girl. I have a period. I can have a baby and make another girl. I have hips. I have boobs. I have semi-curves. I have mood swings. I like boys. I like clothes. I wear make-up. I don’t wear make-up. I make up my mind. I am utterly confused. I am stubborn. I am easily influenced. I think that boy over there is hot. Now I think he’s a douche-bag. I love her hair. I hate her. I wish you would just go away. I hope you never leave me. I have mood swings. I am normal. I am a weirdo. I have hairy legs despite how many times I shave them. I have well I don’t know my hair color anymore. I have to shave my arm pits. I don’t feel like going to school today. Its Saturday and I want to go see my crush at school. I love him so much. I want him dead tomorrow. I laugh at everything. Nothing is ever funny. I cant stop smiling. I cant stop crying. I am going through puberty. Nothings changing. I look good today. Oh gosh, why am I so hideous! I like music. Can you please turn that noise off! Shut up! Why did you stop talking. I hate these shoes. don’t I look hot in these heals? I wanna look like Lady Gaga! No mom, why you did my hair like that, I wanna look like Nicki Minaj! I cant wait to get on the dance floor. I dance like a whore. I dance bad. I have a boyfriend. Now I don’t. my life is great. Turn the darn alarm clock off! I don’t ever want to leave my darkened bedroom. My favorite color is pink. Now its blue. Now its maroon. Now its well whatever I can think of! I have an attitude. I am a sweetheart. I have cramps and I have no life. I’m going see a movie with my friends and I feel great. I’m hungry give me a freaking burger already! Are you crazy! don’t feed me that dead cow! IM ON A GOT DANG DIET! Forget it, I’ll always be fat. I love you ice cream. I hate you scale. I’m so short. Uhg, I’m like the tallest kid in school. I feel insecure. Okay, is she crazy? Who is she kidding? My boobs are way bigger than her’s. I’m a bit of a witch. Did she just say that to me? Its p.e. they say I throw like a girl. I scream “Screw you!” and think “Duh!”

this better work

1.say your name ten times. 2. say your mom's name five times. 3. say your crush's name three times 4. paste this to four other groups. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday. But if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck. SEND THIS TO 4 PPL IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOUR DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH"S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY

is there really a point?

if emos aren't suppose to be judgmental, then who gave ONE the right to tell someone that they cannot be emo. that they are only fake emo. that you are not emo because you smile but only rarely as apposed to not at all. who said emos cant smile once in their lives. we have teeth don’t we? who said all emos have to cut themselves? was there a meeting that I missed? who said there was emo rules? that there is a certant thing you have to do to be emo. is there like some kind of emo handbook we have to follow? an emo bible? come on! since when was there a master of the emos who gets to choose and decide who is emo and who is not? is there a special leader out there who holds the emo key and tells you what you can and cant do and what is considered "emo"? what’s up with this chick? I was not aware emo had one definition...if there is one set definition then please, please love inform all of us fellow "fake" or confused emos. the only thing that i could think of a fake emo is just a person who submits themselves to emo stereotypes, tells everyone that they cut themselves, and tell tells the whole world all of their business. but is that fake or just proud? either way it goes, if a prep frowns are they still a prep? if a jock didn’t make one team is he still a jock? is a nerd or a geek still a geek if they got a B? or is this just stereotypes of a label that some are proud to take and are we suppose to let the whole world use this as a way to bring us down or control us as basically a punishment of or for something we either take pride in or are content about? is there really a point? no seriously, is there? after awhile the end of the spectrums will meet because opposites have to have something in common at first for them to be opposite. up and down, opposites, but both directions, left and right etc. is there really a point to use a stereotype? where does it get any of us? is there a possible way to be happy while being something or nothing at all? i think there is if we stopped giving a care about what the whole world has to say and realize that we cannot please everyone and that the only person it seems worth while pleasing is not your mom or dad anymore but God and yourself. at the end of the day, its you lying in your bed, your sleep that you will loose from worrying, not everyone else’s...


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Another list of crap because i am immensely bored...

          I really want to have a new but better style. Uhm, what exactly? I don’t really know. I have a list so Im just going to you know, do what I do best. List crap.

• Black eye shadow of course
• I know I want my eye lights
• I like my bags, I guess I’ll keep those
• I love my shorts and odd tights…Not to self, get more shorts, you only have one good pair.
• I need to start wearing earings. I feel better with um.
• I am sticking to only wearing black nail polish. I need some more of it though.
• Im making my own booksack
• I need to learn how to use the sewing machine better.
• I need a big bag. Not that twilight one I have but I need something to carry all my junk in.

As you can tell I am so bored. Im not changing for anyone. You know I make lists of useless crap when I am bored.

There is Good in Everyone/Luling Parade (meant to be posted hours ago)

I just got back from that wack Luling Parade. They act as if it is such a big deal and its so short and stupid. I was really hoping not to see him but at the same time wishing that I would. I did, he caught me off guard. He was just pacing back and forward with anger. Then he looked up and he saw me and he stopped for a second and then I looked down after that because if I looked one more second I’d bust out giggling or smiling so much and be tempted to talk to him. I just continuously walked with my cousin, mother, and aunt after that. I soon met with one of my bffls, Miaja. We hung out for a minute in front of her grandmother’s, I think, house. It was pretty acceptable. I had a bit of fun actually. I got a teddy bear. A red one and a yellow rose. I love teddy bears and roses. I don’t know why I just do. Especially teddy bears. The bigger the bear the better or you know, it doesn’t matter. I guess its just the simplicity of a bear and bears last a long time and I guess that’s symbolic to me or something. And the rose, I guess since its all classic, old time, gone with the wind whatever and I just like it.
No comment on what happened after that but walking back I expected to see him and then I turn and he’s walking. He that cocky little smirk and it was just so fake. I had a mind to just call him out for such fake arrogance and he had the nerve to sneak peaks at me. I just kept walking. I was alone walking after that. How did I get myself into a situation like that.
Why do I end up liking these random guys. Its like no guy likes me. They just want to sit there and intimidate me or just screw with my head. Its not right its not fair. I’ve been screwed over so many times just from 2009-2010. Lets see, there was Tony, then yeah you know, then textbook, then him, and even one of my own guy friends. that’s like what? Five? Yeah, I have to get my head off this absolutely retarded theory that there is good in everyone. it’s a lie.
I think that these guys are so nice then they change. I think that everyone despite the things that they do, I think that deep down inside they are good at heart. Before I even realize how attractive this guy was I just for some odd reason thought he was so good at heart. I thought he was nice and sweet and I thought he was smart and funny and kind of awkward and I thought that was cute. I’m such an idiot.
So how did I end up in this car on my laptop stuffing my face with cotton candy and with borderline tears about to scream? I don’t know but I know that I’ve been here many times before. Not in this car but border line tears, stuffing my face, and about to scream. If you have a girlfriend, stop messaging me. If you don’t like me stop staring at me in class and talking to me. Stop fussing at me for no reason or smiling at me randomly. I know you don’t like me so just stop fighting over that stupid chair in the cafeteria that gives a coincidental clear view shot of me. Just if you don’t like me, stop having anything to do with me, I think I deserve better that to be tormented. I think that if there’s no hope, then don’t give me any hints that there could ever be even in a parallel universe. And everybody stop saying “oh, you guys are going to end up together in high school.” or something else stupid. And to you especially, stop butting in my conversations and answering for me and trying to find out what I am talking about. Let me live without this torture. I know I’m alone and that I don’t have anybody. I know that these guys here only want to play me. I know I am stupid believe the lie that there is good in everybody. I know this, I know a lot of things, I know when I am being played or lied to, I know this. So maybe I should be locked up, I’m crazy. I have hope in people and trust the nearest stranger. I secretly believe that there is hope that there is good in people. That everyone is generally good. I have nothing to base this on, nor do I have the truth for or of this nor do I have any hints, clues, proof or material that would lead you to believe this but I believe it. don’t know why I do. don’t know why I think everyone is capable of greatness. Its worthless to think so but I do. Cant help it cant stop. I just. I just do. So I am going to slowly eat my cotton candy and dance to whatever song I hear even if I look a mess. Hell, I am a mess. “I am an emotional creature“.