Depression is more than a feeling. It's an unwated and unbareable way of life. To find little or no happiness, to never be satisfied is horrible. To loose faith and think so low of yourself is misrable. It's torture to wake up every morning and hate the person who looks back at you in the mirror. Nothing suprises me and nothing excites me for long.
I always feel like my soul is trapped and caged in darkness and despair, not to mention complete and utter sadness. It feels like my spirit is being tortured. My spirt being beaten and broken down. Lashed on its knees. I feel cold and I feel like I'm on fire at the same time. I dont understand it,.nor do I try to anymore. I don't even know how to talk about it anymore. Some days it's unspeakable.
I hurt myself mentally and physically. If someone really did care about me, they would help me. My mother shouldn't tell me to make myself happy. I can't do it. She never believes me but I haven't lied except for when I tell her I'm okay. I resent her for this. I don't like her for it.
Sometimes, I think I just hate life in general. That I hate myself in general. I know I don't care about myself and it doesn't seem wrong when I take a blade across my arm. I feel like I have to. I'm addicted. It's how I cope with things. This is how I feel, when every thing else has become numb inside.
Most of all, I feel alone. If I don't try to take my own life again, I think that I may just run away. I don't know how I will live. I don't care And still, running away like that is immature. It's stupid. I feel it may make things worse. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I barely know me anymore. I feel Jaime has died. I don't associate myself with her and it seems as if she is another person. Not a bone in my body feels like it belomgs to her. Liz seems more like me but she isnt either. She seems a hell of a lot closer to me, however, who I am now is not who I want to be.
I always feel like my soul is trapped and caged in darkness and despair, not to mention complete and utter sadness. It feels like my spirit is being tortured. My spirt being beaten and broken down. Lashed on its knees. I feel cold and I feel like I'm on fire at the same time. I dont understand it,.nor do I try to anymore. I don't even know how to talk about it anymore. Some days it's unspeakable.
I hurt myself mentally and physically. If someone really did care about me, they would help me. My mother shouldn't tell me to make myself happy. I can't do it. She never believes me but I haven't lied except for when I tell her I'm okay. I resent her for this. I don't like her for it.
Sometimes, I think I just hate life in general. That I hate myself in general. I know I don't care about myself and it doesn't seem wrong when I take a blade across my arm. I feel like I have to. I'm addicted. It's how I cope with things. This is how I feel, when every thing else has become numb inside.
Most of all, I feel alone. If I don't try to take my own life again, I think that I may just run away. I don't know how I will live. I don't care And still, running away like that is immature. It's stupid. I feel it may make things worse. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I barely know me anymore. I feel Jaime has died. I don't associate myself with her and it seems as if she is another person. Not a bone in my body feels like it belomgs to her. Liz seems more like me but she isnt either. She seems a hell of a lot closer to me, however, who I am now is not who I want to be.
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